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Deathly Hallows.

This is pretty much DIRECTLY from my Tumblr - which is ittybittygrey.tumblr.com btw. Check that shit out, but it might enable you to see me in a different light. A much... hornier, more fangirl-y light. Don't judge, I've always been this way. I'm the same Mel as ever; I just hid it oh so skilfully.

Here we go.

Maybe there's something wrong with me, but basically it did not seem to affect me as much as it did with everyone else. No, I cried - but only past The Prince's Tale and once Harry brought Lily and James and Sirius and Remus back. Because somehow, despite how many characters there were, despite all the different amazingly complex backstories, the characters who touched me the most are the Marauders - the ones we hear less about.

I enjoyed it, I think. I don't know how I feel right now. I would love to be like the rest of you, and be all excited and feel very fulfilled about it and the way it ended, but I just can't. I'd be lying to myself. I'm not going to pretend that the film was flawless and I never expected it to be, and maybe I've just matured since last November and I've been able to look at things more seriously. Because looking back I just think of all the things I would have done differently.

For example:

• When Luna sat down next to Neville, I thought it was adorable. He looked so pleased just to be there while I couldn't help but notice that Luna looked a little bored. I thought she could have grabbed his hand in a kind of 'For goodness' sake' kind of fashion; just hastily and almost impatiently.
• When Ginny kissed Harry, on the steps, I would've loved it to pan up to reveal Ron, looking absolutely shocked and letting out a whimper. Frozen, Ginny and Harry stare in horror at him and Ron just waves his hands and says 'Not the time, not the time!'
• The fucking Romione kiss. Ugh.
• When Harry sees Ron and Hermione holding hands, it would have been nice for Harry to make a joke like 'Took you long enough'; but Hermione's little smug look was enough for me.

But I digress.

I'm avoiding reviews for now because I'm still not sure how I feel about it, and I don't want to be swayed either way; not until I've done this at least.

I liked The Prince's Tale part and it was the bit that stirred me the most and caused me to start crying. I also liked it when McGonnagall stepped in front of Harry to save him and I like Helena as Hermione. I liked most of the performances, especially Maggie Smith's, and Dan's and Tom's. The line at the end about the Elder Wand - "It's mine" - was said so casually and so just... Harry-like that I fell in love with Dan just then. He was the perfect Harry; he grew up to be, at least.

It was a fine film, I'm sure. Maybe I'm just bitter that there's no more. Maybe I'm annoyed that the epilogue came out so cheesily and that they made Ron pudgy; that they left out Teddy Lupin; that the kiss changed; that James Potter still does not look like James Potter to me; that the girl who played young Lily had brown eyes. I'm nitpicking.

However, I'm not sad. Bitter, maybe. But not sad. I just think they could have ended it differently. It wasn't bad but I didn't love it. I just didn't. Maybe it would've helped to have been in a packed cinema, where people were cheering and clapping at certain parts. But overall, I do not care for it that much.

But it made me realise something. It made me realise that if anything, it "ended" long ago; it ended with the books ending, if it ended at all. This film wasn't anything new, I wasn't really surprised and it just didn't feel like the end. I guess maybe that's something good about this film; this isn't the end. It really isn't. I feel like it'll never end. Magic never ends; I'll never stop loving these books, these characters, these films, these actors.

That's something so lovely about Harry Potter. Because there is a gap in between when the films come out, and the books, you learn to get on without it but it's as constant in your life as anything. It's always there; an undercurrent. You don't stop loving it, you just stop thinking about it all the time. And then a film comes out, and it all comes back. To me, this film is like... a child moving away from home. It's the ending of something, but it's not like I'll never see them again. I have Wrock, fanfiction and so many things, including my own mind, to imagine how things might have gone. And I can always look back, re-live Harry's school life.

This isn't the end, it just isn't guys. It ends when you choose it to; technically speaking, it could have ended long ago. And we didn't let it. So why should it be any different now?

Always,
Mel.

Last Day of School.

Hey blog. Haven't seen you since April. Crazy innit?

My last day of school was on Friday and I still don't know what I'm feeling. I'm returning for exams still and for my A-Levels and I'll be seeing most of my year at my prom; all the same, if I had to put it into words is that it's the end of an era. Truly. These people have been a part of my life for five years and now... a lot of them aren't going to be; my every day life at least. My form tutor cried as we gave him his presents, which were:

• A teddy bear in a rugby kit (it's his forte as a P.E. teacher)
• A t-shirt with a picture of our form on the front and handwritten messages from us on the back
• A picture of all of us throughout the years -- from 7HO to 11HO.
• Chocolate signed from us from Thorton's for him and his family

That's when I teared up because my teacher, as I said, is a rugby player or at least has the build of one and to see a man that big cry was so heartbreaking. He said that right off the bat he'd tell his new form that they'd never beat us so they shouldn't even try. That's why I cried; because I really love that man.

Then we had our last German lesson and I cried a little then too and then we had R.E. and then we had our Leaver's Assembly. Also, I got one of the guys I liked in the past to sign my notebook in which I was gathering messages from people to sign it and he said he loves me (!). He actually signed it twice because he didn't realise. All the same, I was happy. I got the guy I currently like to sign it too but he was so drunk all he wrote was my name and it's not even legible; not going to lie, I was sad about that and a little annoyed and felt a bit pathetic. It just proved that he really did not like me or know me to the point where... I dunno. It just proved my crush on him was so fickle and pointless and I felt like an idiot. I joked about it later, but yeah. It stung.

The Assembly was lovely. My year had loads of talented people in it and we're all so supportive - Hector danced ballet and to see even the guys stand up and clap at the end of it just goes to show much we've grown since Year 7; I doubt Hector would have had the same reception in Year 7. We've grown and I hadn't even noticed until that moment. I was eleven when I started that school and being sixteen seemed to far away and it felt like I'd be so grown up when I was in Year 11. I'm not.

Our Head of Year cried too when he did his little speech and honestly all I remember from it was he walked off stage and as we all cheered he lunged for the mike again and said, "I love you all."

Then the BBQ, which ran out of food for Kate and I but I got some more signatures and then we walked to the beach and hung out and went to Sophie's. At Sophie's I did realise how much I loved my friends and how I'm lucky that I have friends who are lovely and cool and like me can sit there and just laugh at the absurdity that we are not school students anymore. We're a strange in between of school student and college student and we're doing it together and somehow that doesn't make it sad or weird, it just makes it funny. Honestly we were so happy I think I became sad; it was just such a bittersweet joy.

Exams now, gah!

Love,

Mel.

BEDA #30: I feel like I should end this with an epic post.

But my life has never been that epic has it?

Overall, BEDA this year became kind of tedious but I'm, like always, glad that I did it because it's a fantastic outlet and you lot seem to care a bit about my life which is bizarre, but nice all the same. I like going back to my old blog posts and seeing how I've changed and how I haven't and see those of you who are still around (Elisabeth <3) and wonder why. I swear I was more annoying in 2009 than I ever will be; I was just so desperate to be quirky and random that I look at the posts and cringe. Is that pretentious of me? Probably. I seem to notice how pretentious I am getting every day that goes by. It's an increasing thing too.

Went to the library today. Got 1984 by Orwell because well, I thought I should. I'll get to reading that tonight and I'll let you know how it goes.

Also updated my ipod. I love adding stuff to my ipod and taking stuff off. It feels like a fresh start with my music.

I wish I could say more, but I can't think of what to say apart from: DOCTOR WHO TONIGHT WOOT WOOT.

That's all folks,

Mel.

BEDA #29: The Royal Wedding.

I will say my peace: I am neither for or against the Royal Wedding. If anything, I am for because it's given me a day off school and because I like historical events like this. I like the idea that from years to come I can say that I was there, watching Prince William get married. I like weddings and I think Kate Middleton seems pretty lovely.

I understand the opposition: yes it's our taxes, yes people are missing work days, yes the Royal Family essentially do nothing. But really, I just see it as pretty harmlessly sweet. That might just be because I don't pay taxes, but I'm okay with this wedding.

I've been live tweeting but my dad turned it over so I'm watching it now live on Youtube after my lunch, waiting for the kiss on the balcony and for the first dance. I think we get to see the latter; we saw Charles and Diana. Rumour has it they're dancing to Ellie Goulding's rendition of 'Your Song', which I like because that song is pretty sweet.

Also, I have developed a slight crush on Prince Harry. This crush will probably we eradicated by next week but that's how I am. I remember my week-long crush on Andrew Lee Potts and Matthew Morrison. I regret nothing.

That's pretty much all that's going on with my life. I'll see you tomorrow for the last day of BEDA.

Love,

Mel.

BEDA #28.

Today I had no Portuguese or Therapy, so I'm going to yoga later and that means I have time to blog. Goody for you, huh?

I guess the highlight of my day is that my fanfic was uploaded (the Legion one). I hated the film it's based on, but it's just so... gah. Yeah, gah. I tried to add a quote but it's not working for some reason? Blogger is weird like that. Has stuff happened to you guys like that before? It happens to me frequently; the font messes up and the text just refuses to do what I tells it to.

I feel once again that I've lost my blogging mojo and so I've got Glee open in a window next to this one and hoping inspiration will suddenly come to me. All I can think is 'Finn's not that bad of a dancer so why is that the thing that he wanted to change about himself?'

Aw, Finchel moment. Now I remember why I like them. Finn is cute although a bit... hypocritical but he's wholesome and overall he means well and most of the time is a little selfless. He makes mistakes, but he usually makes up for it and learns his lesson. More than I have to say for Quinn, say; who will I think has so much potential, the writers continue to make her one priority being the most popular girl in school. After getting pregnant and see how everyone turned on her, you'd think she'd see that none of the like people had for her was genuine that she would want to just be around those who truly liked her. Do not get me started on how there was no mention of the trauma she must have gone through by giving up her child or the fact that Puck told her he loved her and for some reason it was never acknowledged. One thing Glee cannot do is continuity.

I've made a Tumblr friend called Jo. She's Dutch and 17 and our friendship consists of telling each other how much we love each other/fangirl over each other and planning how I can get to the Netherlands so we can get married. It fascinates me how we can get along despite the fact that I'm an Amy/11 shipper whereas she's a River/11 shipper. It's not quite on the same level of animosity, but the two ships remind me of Harry/Hermione and Ron/Hermione except that would mean that Amy/11 is like Harry/Hermione, when it's not quite. My ship kind of happened because Amy used to sort of have feelings for The Doctor yet in contrast Hermione never really did, I don't think. Amy/11 is platonic now, but at least on Amy's side it wasn't always. But River/11 is blatantly canon now, so in that sense yes they are alike.

It's kind of odd because I'll genuinely be in lesson and I'll think, 'I want to talk to Jo'. I also think this quite often. It may just be me associating her with Tumblr and wanting to go on Tumblr, but I'll just get the feeling that I want to text Jo and then I'll remember I can't. And I'll get annoyed. I just want to talk to Jo all the time. She's also much, much wittier than me and I often feel very unworthy of all this attention because what she says makes me laugh and I wonder if I have the same effect, which I probably don't. I can only hope she'll rub off on me.

I also got two As in my Chemistry exams. I have to say I knew I did well though because the tests were very, very easy. That may be because I revised, but I get the feeling it's only because I find Chemistry easy and the stuff we learn for some reason just clicks with me. It's lovely.

This has been sufficiently lengthy. I have the day off tomorrow (Royal Wedding) and so I'll blog tomorrow as well. I'll do a proper one too.

I'll see you then,
Mel.

BEDA #27.

Sorry the posts have been shitty recently but I don't have that much time for these things. Meanwhile, I've been writing fanfiction, shipping things that will never be canon and running on the crosstrainer as an attempt to get my thighs to stop ballooning. So nothing's changed much anyway.

Lesbians on Glee now!

Mel.

BEDA #26: SH I'M NOT EVEN MEANT TO BE ON HERE.

BYE,

Mel.

BEDA #25: Currently actually revising.

So yeah.

Mel.

BEDA #24: Ugh.

I NEED MORE TIEM FOR THIS. I MEANT TIEM.

Bye,

Mel.

BEDA #23: Doctor Who.

DOCTOR WHO DOCTOR WHO DOCTOR WHO.

That is all.

Always,

Mel.

BEDA #22: In which Melanie wishes she could sing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvXaOCTC6wU&feature=channel_video_title - If I could do that, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't need to do revision because I'd be on Broadway sharing my talent. Seriously, Charice is incredible. She's so tiny and has that kind of a voice; it's baffling and amazing.

Today I was meant to babysit Flynn again, but he was walking by the pond with his mum and hit his head, so he was taken to A&E and has to be under supervision, and so I don't have to babysit him anymore. I got paid still -- score! -- and got given an Easter egg from him (not his mum, from Flynn himself). So that was nice and convenient and I've got twenty pounds (well, seventeen because I bought shampoo on the way back). for doing nothing. For, essentially, reading outside a house for forty minutes.

I am officially by myself now. Yesterday as my parents were leaving I started crying. I felt like a baby, because I complain all the time about them all the time but as I've said, I'm attached to them. When they're not here. I was hiccuping, I was crying that much. I watched the car drive away and I was wailing. Like, really almost screaming. And then as I was brushing my teeth, it suddenly just calmed down. I was a bit teary but overall I was okay.

I was mostly scared about this vulnerability I was put it; let's say I burnt myself cooking, or ran out of money, or needed a lift somewhere. What scares me is that I'm suddenly independent. I am going to live on the babysitting money and the £20 that my mum gave me beforehand and that's it. It's weird because I'm essentially living by myself and that's weird.

Yeah. That's about it.

Love,

Mel.

BEDA #21: Scream 4.

Or, y'know, Scre4m, as all the cool kids - by that I mean posters - are calling it.

I'm going to come out and say that I liked it. Done. Out of ten? 6.5. A solid 6.5. Not the best film ever, though far superior to Red Riding Hood, but not the worst by a long shot. And to this I blame Sidney Prescott.

I mean, I suppose after three films I'd be used to killers being around too, and I'd know how to survive rather well; but still. She just refused to die. I don't think that's spoiler, but yeah. The main character does not die. And thank God for that. I'm not a particularly strong feminist, I like having the vote I suppose, but I like female characters who are like Sidney. Strong and independent and good in a crisis.

It's a bit hard to put my finger on exactly why I liked it, but Sidney is one of the reasons. Another being that it wasn't that scary. I am not a horror fan. I like my sleep as it is, thank you very much. For some reason, I was drawn to this film and luckily Lauren opted to go see it with me; while it was horrifying in the moment, with the tension and suspense of 'The loud music means the killer is not coming, there's going to be a harmless character behind them but when the music stops he's going to be there AH MA GAD JUST COME OUT ALREADY I CAN'T TAKE IT', I'm fairly good with gore. I'm not sure I'd be okay with Saw, but in Scream 4 they weren't really elaborate deaths: just stabbing. People were gutted, but it had a 15 certificate so we didn't see much of it. Honestly, it was nerve racking when you knew the killer was coming, but once he was there I was like, 'Meh. Okay, bring it on.'

And I wasn't scared later! I know that technically makes it a bad horror, but still! I had a dream about Scream and I was scared in the dream, but once I woke up I was like 'Eurgh so tired. Just want sleep'. I didn't sleep so well because it hit me that my family are going away for four days and I'm going to be all alone and I would miss them, but not because of the film. I'm attached to my family in the way that I like having them near, if I need them. Or just near at all. I nearly considered going away with them, but I figured this would be good practice for the ski trip, so.

That was Scream 4 guys!

Always,

Mel.

BEDA #20 Today.

Today was a good day because I hung out with the best person in the whole wide world, you may know her as Lauren. Or maybe the sexiest biatch in the entire world!

So yeah, saw scream 4 with Lauren and I will blog more about that tomorrow.

But It's late, so goodnight.

Always Mel.

BEDA #19: Nothing to say.

So this is it for today.

I played tennis. That was nice.

Scream 4 tomorrow, I hope.

Love,

Mel.

BEDA #18

That's right. No title today. How does that make you feel, huh?

Hm, I suppose what's new is that I have 88 followers on Tumblr, which is quite a feat. I am proud. I mean, it just goes to show how much time I do spend on there but frankly I do believe Tumlbr has widened my reading (I would have never found The Book Thief, my favourite book ever, without Tumblr) and has overall made me more comfortable with my likes and dislikes, interests and what not. I like to see it as a scrap book that I can look back on when I'm older and be like, 'Oh, that's what I used to be like,' or maybe even, 'Oh, how times have not changed.' Alan Davies has a lovely quote about adolescence; I can't find it but it was something along the lines of how what you like now, as a teenager, ends up being what you like forever. It makes sense, if you look at the adults I know, who still listen to bands that they listened to when they were my age.

It just makes me wonder what'll happen when I look back on my Tumblr, if I remember that I still have it; will I have the same interests? Will I like the same films? Will I hate the films I adore now?

My future children are not allowed to find my Tumblr. Nor are my parents. They'll think I'm:

1. A lesbian
2. Horribly sexual frustrated
3. Freakishly obsessed with Disney
4. Way too attracted to fictional characters
5. Severely depressed and
6. overall just really weird and far too socially awkward.

I just enjoy making lists, I think. It puts my mind at ease. I often forget to make lists, so I make lists of the things I need to make lists of. It's like Inception, but with lists. Listception. That would make a good film.

Love,

Mel.

BEDA #17: Percy Jackson.

I thoroughly force these books onto everyone and anyone. They're just so good. And Percy is just... gah by the end. Hot hot hothtohtothothto hot hottie hot hot. I am a Percy fangirl, and so I was disappointed that *spoiler* he's not in this. Technically, Heroes of Olympus is not in the Percy Jackson series, but rather a new generation kind of thing. Obviously, the old characters are mentioned -- if Annabeth was forgotten I would seriously go ape shit and just... no. Annabeth has to be in every book -- but we're focusing on the new trio. Which are okay, to be fair. I suppose Piper is my favourite even if she annoys me a little bit, and even though Jason is clearly the leader, the other guy is like a rarity among his brothers and sisters; I like that Jason isn't the main focus and although Leo is the comic relief in a lot of ways, he's special and unique. I mean, he's a bit horny but yeah. I like Leo. I like all of them. And again, there's development in them and they're not the same as they were in the beginning; they get braver and stronger and just more mature overall.

I just want to read the next book. I just want to read these books forever and ever. They're too easy to read, admittedly but I love them all the same. Percy is a witty little bastard and Annabeth is just kick-ass, as I have mentioned before many many times. I feel my hatred for the film boiling and boiling more and more with what they did to them; I feel like the missed the whole point of the books. I'm not used to this: with Harry Potter I'm fine with it, sure some things I'd change but whatever; with Twilight I didn't like Bella... but then I didn't like Twilight in the end so it all works out. And with The Hunger Games too, I'm getting to see slowly the cast being revealed and then me getting frustrated with their decisions and it's just weird to me.

I went rollerskating with my mum yesterday, only for about forty minutes though I'd say. That was fun. I like rollerskating quite a bit and it's a good exercise. I also watched a bit of Whip It!, with Ellen Page and Drew Barrymore, directed by Drew Barrymore. It makes rollerblading look badass so I liked it. Plus I can always deal with female empowerment films, especially if there's an attractive guy in it. I'm mildly attracted to the coach even though he's not really attractive; I just like the relationship he has with the team and his face, kind of.

That's all for now folks,

Mel.

Books: 21/60 (I've changed it to sixty because of exams and stuff and 75 is a tad ambitious for this year. I'm sure I'll beat it, but just in case).

BEDA #16: Red Riding Hood.

"If I like it I will blog about it, and if I don't like I will blog about it more."

AH, Catherine Hardwicke... will you ever learn? People hated Twilight so why bother making a film so soon? Really. I get you started this super successful franchise, but it gets so much stick these days and just by seeing your name in the trailer I was put off. There were good actors in your film, so you're lucky; because really advertising it as 'from the director of Twilight' is just asking for it. Most people who liked your movie back in the day, don't really like it now. I saw New Moon and it was so much better -- I actually enjoyed it and stand it was by far the best of them so far, granted that's not saying much -- but then after that I didn't give a shit. Point being, if I were her I would not put that in the trailer as a selling point. I suppose that's the problem with opinions: now that I dislike it, I am going to nitpick until I find every bad thing about the film.

Or rather, I thought I was going to. It wasn't actually that bad; I was annoyed beforehand that my friends had backed out of seeing Scream 4 (which I had looked forward to for the whole day before) and told me at the last minute even though everyone had confirmed they were fine with seeing it. I know we're all bad with scary films: somehow it's turned out that I'm the best with them? I don't know how that happened. We were watching 'Hole' and everyone hated it and I was fine; the dead girl was creepy yes, but I stood by that it was a children's film and therefore it could not be that bad. And guess what? It really wasn't. That was the scariest part.

I am well aware it was going to mess with our sleep patterns: I saw Paranormal Activity. I was there; I know what it's like to not sleep properly for months. But still, it looked like a good film regardless and I wanted to see it. It looked witty and looked like it kind of mocked the idea of horror films; in the sense that some characters were film geeks and therefore used their knowledge of horror films to deduce who was going to die next or how or when. Kind of the things Ciara and I talk about: 'If you were in a scary film, how would you guarantee your survival?'. I mean, obviously they're going to have fall into some traps otherwise no-one would die and then it would not be Scream; it'd be nice, but that's not people would go to see it for. For that reason, I was just interested in how it would going to play out; maybe I would not have slept that night but maybe I would have. Usually when I plan to watch a scary film and then don't, by nightfall I am glad I made such a decision; I don't know if it was because I was with people (we all slept round Kate's after) but I was fine with it. I was like, "Man I wish we'd gone to see Scream 4 because Red Riding Hood was stupid."

Which brings us onto my pretentious review. I like to pretend I know about films. I do not: I know how to criticise, but I could never ever ever make a halfway decent one myself. For this reason, I get disappointed because so much work and talent and effort goes into making a film -- most of the time -- and then to see it just be... stupid, is sad. RRH was not terrible and I have seen worse films. I have also seen much, much better films (Tangled, Scott Pilgrim, V for Vendetta). I think my problem started in the beginning; the dialogue was clumsy and forced and awkward and by God I did not understand why Peter, the main love interest, was so special apart from the fact that she grew up with him. There was a lot of intense staring and I was reminded of what people said about Twilight -- was I blinded that much by my love for the books that I didn't notice how awkward it is when no-one talking in the cinema?

The actors that I liked in it, Amanda Seyfried and Billy Burke and Gary Oldman, did what they could with this film. They made it okay in my opinion. That and the scenery; the scenery was gorgeous. Read: Amanda Seyfried and her perfect blonde hair and impossibly blue eyes and rosy cheeks and lips against the white snow and her red riding hood was gorgeous. I think the camera just loves that woman, as it should, and when you've got a protagonist that's so easy on the eyes it makes it very easy to forget the film isn't that great.

I think my biggest problem was Peter; and the ending was kind of 'eh' as well. The twist was good and I did not expect the wolf to be who it was (I'm not spoiling it in case for some reason after this you still want to watch it) and Gary Oldman was also okay. His character was a bit dull and as a priest why the hell did he have kids? I assumed he was Catholic but maybe he wasn't. Or maybe he converted after his wife got killed; also, why did he bring his kids all the way into the town when there's a chance the wolf might kill them on the way back (the kids did not stay in the village with him)? Considering it took them a day to get to the village, and the wolf comes out at night. Just seems like an excuse for the audience to be like, 'Aw poor him he's got daughters and his wife got killed' so that we excuse him later for going bat shit and searching everyone in the village and roasting them alive (no really, he did).

Overall, not too bad. I think I'm just bitter I wanted to see something else. The music was fine as long as I can recall. I just like Seyfried very, very much. If I didn't, I would not have gone because I really don't like having to pay for a film I don't really want to see, because I don't get that much money to do that. She sings very well too, just to throw that in there.

Always,

Mel.

BEDA #15: When did I get this bad at blogging?

I used to be a blogging beast. I remember when Kate said she was going to 'Blog me into oblivion', and I beat her so easily. I blogged every day for about a month, and it wasn't even April. I was just good at talking about myself; I still am. At therapy I can fill Michele in on my week in about ten minutes and I can describe how things made me felt with so much ease.

And yet, it is April and I've asked Lauren loads of times to have to blog for me. To be fair, in some situations I really did not have the time (babysitting), but recently it's just that I've forgotten to do in the morning, when I usually do it, and so I leave it and leave it and then my parents kick me off the computer and I didn't blog. It's terrible. Honestly.

Last night I went to Zumba class. That was surprisingly fun and went really fast. I was reminded of how I used to enjoy my Jazz dancing classes in Brazil; I didn't enjoy performing them so much (it's not that I didn't like it, but I would not have minded if the routines just stayed within the hall), but I liked learning the choreography and messing about. Zumba was like that, so I really liked it. I think I'm going to go more often. I sucked at some -- just really could not get my feet to do what the woman was doing, or to do the feet with the arm movement -- and it was kind of embarrassing because my mum could do them after the woman demonstrated once, but still. I suppose my mother could not watch an episode of Grey's Anatomy first time and squeeze out decent fanfiction material, but I can; it all comes down to practice.

The other day I was having breakfast and I turned to my dad and said: "Huh, I've been watching anime for eight years now." He made fun of me but that's stuck with me since. I've moved around a lot, and I don't have a set 'childhood home', not really; but watching anime and being into all the stuff is probably the closest I have to that... if that makes sense. It's like people who have friends now that they've known since nursery: I have anime. I don't really know where I'm going with this, but I just thought I should share. I've been watching anime pretty much since I've been reading, if you're going to count Sailor Moon or Pokemon; and it's something that I haven't given up yet. I watched two episodes of Romeo X Juliet yesterday and it was fun. I wonder if I ever will grow out of it, because some people have.

Something else I haven't grown out of is Disney, apparently. If you go on my Tumblr, you'll know this but really I didn't think I was that bad. Tangled sparked it all again: through wanting to follow Tangled blogs, I followed Disney blogs and now pretty much all the time my dashboard has something Disney-related on it. The other day Libby said she wished the Disney DVD sale that is going on atm was happening around my birthday; I'd've thought Libby loves Disney just as much as I do but I rarely talk to her about any Disney films other than Tangled (or perhaps covers of Disney songs that we've seen on Youtube). That was weird because Libby doesn't even go on my Tumblr, so. Disney fangirl, I am.

This has been rather erratically written, and thus I apologise.

Always,

Mel.

BEDA #14: Tired.

Melanie is sorry folks but she doesn't have time to blog, or something like that, anyway she will tomorrow.

Night x

BEDA #13: Emma Stone is pretty and stuff.

I'm lazy today, so that is all.

Love,

Mel.

BEDA #12: Stop blogging in the afternoon.

When I blog in the morning it's usually more juicy than this. This thing that is called blogging in the afternoon.

Today I went for a run, read manga, finished a fanfic (Amy/11), read some fanfic and went on Tumblr. I should really start revising but I don't know how and it makes me anxious. Gahhhhh. Just reading will have to do. Reading and flashcards. I have nothing else.

The run was horrible. My mother and I gave up, even though she loves running, and started power-walking instead. That was pretty easy but I felt like I looked silly -- because I probably did. I was not made for running. I was made for writing and just being lazy in general. I was made for getting overly excited about Doctor Who; I saw a quote saying that 'The Doctor's relationship with Amy is going to change forever' and you can imagine how I got my fangirl senses tingling. I'm guessing it's not going to be something romantic but a girl can dream and mostly I just love how they are even if it's platonic. I think I just love the dynamic. Still, being a fangirl is an art and a precise skill I have sharpened for many years and so I'm getting the feeling this series is going to be good regardless, because lots of material for my fanfic shall be made.

I think that's all.

Love,

Mel.

BEDA #11: Fanfiction.

I went to the beach today and that was lovely. My friends are lovely. But I am busy writing fanfiction. Have some more Lily/James:

James knew that in every respect, his life had been pretty easy; he had his three best friends, grades that got him by, popularity to die for and could have any girl he wanted with a snap of his fingers. Therefore, it was only natural that at some point in his life, resistance of some sort would have to be met; such resistance took form in one Lily Evans.

He’d spotted her before they actually spoke and found her pretty enough; her hair made her stand out but he didn’t think particularly much of it at first because she honestly wasn’t that striking from afar and he was far too excited about being in a new school to notice giiirls anyway; he doubted he even blossomed into a womanizer until third year. At that point, amongst girls unbuttoning their shirts and hitching up their skirts, Lily Evans, with her uniform being worn appropriately, stuck out like a sore thumb.

Now, James was lazy and selfish enough to be perfectly happy with his unfairly easy life and could have carried on living in such a way until he died. Lily Evans seemed to have other plans for him.

He approached her for the first time with complete ease; he plastered on his winning smile and leaned down next to her ear. He whispered the first line of the page to her, and her head snapped up. Startled, she turned to him and as this made their faces very close, she cringed away from him.

“Can I help you?” she said, her nose crinkled in disgust and her eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“What’s your name?”

She raised an eyebrow at him, “Why?”

“I might leave you alone if you tell me.”

There was a silence as she contemplated his offer, wondering if it was worth it and he could see the clogs working in her mind as she answered, “Lily.”

“Lily...” he trailed off to let her finish his question.

Lily sighed, “Evans. Now go away please.”

“Lily Evans,” he let the name roll around his tongue and sat down beside her. Lily shuffled away from him and furiously tried to get back to reading her book. “Li-ly Eh-vans.”

“Yes.” Her voice was sharp. “Now please leave me alone.”

“I’ll leave if you let me ask you a question.”

“I thought you said you would leave me alone if I told you my name. My name is Lily Evans.” He was too busy staring at her mouth and was barely paying attention; he watched her perfect little pair of pink, luscious lips open again and she said, “Now piss off.”

James leaned away in surprise, “What?”

Lily Evans stared challengingly at him, seeming surprised too; but she seemed in shock at the fact that he was still there, still alive, still breathing, “You heard me Potter.”

“So...” He frowned, not understanding with was going on. “You don’t want to go out with me?”

Lily Evans laughed incredulously, “Christ no.” She shut her book and began to gather her things.

“Are... are you sure?”

“Positive,” she replied and sauntered off. James watched her walk away, her fiery red hair flowing in the wind behind her, asking himself what ‘Christ’ meant.

That was the first time James didn’t get what he wanted, and he didn’t like it one bit.

BEDA #10: Still nothing to say.

Blog, I'm sorry I really cannot be arsed to do anything right now. I did not work all day and now I'm just going to read fanfiction until I die; here's some random one I wrote for Lauren, and I don't care if everyone is OOC and it's shirt. All that matters is that Lauren is a lovely person and this is post is dedicated to her. Ciara you might not want to read considering you dislike fanfiction of fiction that you like.

Theme: Water.

There are times where Lily wonders sometimes why on earth she ever thought it would be a good idea to marry James Potter. Times when he said things like 'Oh Merlin' in front of Muggles or when she is reminded once again of how badly he snores and moves in his sleep were prime examples of these instances of questioning. He was too cuddly and too grabby; he’d constantly want to hold her hand or have an arm around her waist and he would never let her just read. No really: never. She’d sit down as quietly as she could so she could have some peace and James would come bounding in.

“Lily!” he’d say. “There you are!”

And then he’d throw his legs in her lap or pick her up in a bridal style and lead her away so she was forced to spend time with him, like a possessive owner with a reluctant pet. It’s not that she didn’t love him, but more that she didn’t like him sometimes; or that he didn’t understand certain things.

“Lily, love,” he whispers softly to her when they’re in bed and she’s reading before falling asleep, “I do believe you’re misusing this bed at this moment in time.”

James, with his devilish grin could make her dazedly allow him to close her book and put it down. Bam, he would kiss her slowly and she would not even remember the title of the novel she was reading. Thanks to James, she had left countless books unfinished because by the time she picked them up again she couldn’t remember where she was or what it was about. She always put the book down with a sigh and went to start another, with the intention of perhaps going back to the book later.

But something that irks her to no end is how much of a man he is; this is shown by his complete disregard for organisation and the fact that he was living with a woman now. James left the toilet seat up, thought it better to le the dishes soak til morning rather than get them over done with and used a wet spoon in the sugar pot.

For some reason that morning she wakes up especially bitter and as she goes downstairs to get her cup of tea, she sees the sugar clumped together in its pot and throws down her spoon in frustration and marches upstairs. She viciously raps on the door.

“James! Come out here right –”

“What? What’s going on?” The door is swung over. Lily just stands there.

“Nothing,” she says and walks away. As she does, the image in her mind is James with a towel wrapped around his waist, the water so hot that it made his cheeks flushed and the tips of his ears red; she smiles as she sees the worried look in his eyes and how he was squinting because he did not have his glasses; most of all she remembers the blood rushing to her face as her eyes went to his glossy dark hair and fell upon his bare, perfectly chiseled chest. All the factors add up in her mind and she thinks to herself,

‘Oh yes, that’s why.’

Yeah, like I said, it's not very good. Lauren seems to like my shitty stories for some reason.

Always,

Mel.

BEDA #9: A letter to Melanie.

"I'm currently too depressed to spew out anything of interest for you guys. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow, but right now I'm too busy writing fanfiction and trying to figure out how to lose weight and get attractive fast.
Always, Mel."

Now you get to experience me :) Lauren that is, me.
The stuff above is the mandatory lies that Melanie made me write and like she said, she should be back tomorrow, but because she knows I'm such an *excellent* writer, she let me write this today. This makes no sense, oh well.

I've decided now to let Melanie know just how much I love her, so here goes;

To Mel,

You have no fucking idea how much I truly love you, even if you are a grammar nazi. You think you're unnatractive and whatever, but you are truly not. This isn't me just being your friend, if it helps I'll tell you I hate you (even though it completely contradicts what I wrote above) and then tell you how genuinely jealous I am of how you look. But even more than that I admire you so much, and I can completely confide anything to you, which you know full well considering some of the stuff I've told you recently, but you don't question me, you accept me for me and you have no idea how much that means to me. You've helped me so much in the time we've been friends, you've helped me embrace the nerdy, weird girl that I am. If it hadn't been for you I would still be trying to conform to the likes of Rhiannon and Ellie. I love you because you're an honest, kind, genuine person and you've put up with me despite my tendancy to be a complete bitch. If you weren't in my life I don't know what I would do. Even with all this gushy writing, I don't feel I can quite convey how much you mean to me because I'm not good with words. But when you text me saying you're sad, my heart literally aches (wow that sounds so lame ><) but it's true, I hate it when you're sad. I wish you would see yourself in the correct light, but I'm not going to push it because I know how it feels, we all have those days where everything goes wrong and we hate what we see in the mirror, but we're teenagers, it happens, and we're girls, so it will probably be happening for the rest of our lives.

I trust you so much.

I love you so much.

I would die without you... so much.

Eternal love, hugs and kisses,

Lauren xx

P.s. Sophie said she would bang you any day.

BEDA #8: Friday.

AND I'VE GOT NO SCHOOOOOOOOOL. God I love inset days. They just make me want to run around because I can and people from other schools can't and that's amazing. Nine AM waking up in the morning, gotta be fresh gotta go downstairs and write fanfiction. That's what I'm starting my morning with; just because it's been bothering me that I had an idea for it but got kicked off the computer and haven't been able to continue it and yeah. Here I am. This is my life.

I finished the Percy Jackson series. God, what a good series too. Annabeth was such a brilliant character but mega crush for Percy and Apollo too; and Hermes was complex and developed and Hades too. SO MUCH CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. IN A CHILDREN'S BOOK TOO. Not too fond of the ending, but since there's a next generation of Demigods I'm okay with it. If it ended there how it did, I would have been pissed. Frankly, it's kind of refreshing that the main character doesn't always have a prophecy about them. I'd give the series an 8/10, because if anything it was hugely enjoyable. Plus Rachel was pretty cool too. Mortals are cool.

I made a very drastic decision yesterday, blog. I went to change my option from Media to Philosophy and got told I wouldn't be able to, because of the way things are set out and so on a whim I got convinced to do Sociology. I have no idea of what it entails; if it has coursework, if it doesn't, if I'll enjoy or if it's worth it. I hope that it's worth it. I just read the Prospectus and it says:

"Sociology combines well with all AS

subjects and in many careers. Jobs in

local and central government, industry,

commerce, social work, journalism, the

media, law, police training and market

research to name a few."

Journalism! Yay! Maybe it will be worth it. We'll see. From what I can see, it seems similar to Psychology and English Language in some ways, so maybe that'll help with my other subjects if anything. I'm happy now.

*

I've just gotten back from the library. Paid my fines, which the librarian cut down for me so they weren't five pounds -- this proves that librarians are the secret superheroes of the world. I got some books I had reserved, so yay! And overall it's been a nice day. The sun is shining, it's not that windy and I can wear a sleeveless top. I feel good. Ish. My mother told me I need to start working out seriously at least twice a week because then in about five weeks from now I could be slimmer (she used to be an aerobics instructor so I trust her judgement; and she never says this to me, so I know she's serious when she says I need exercise). I guess it was a bit of a downer because I really have been trying; I don't think she realises the effort it takes for me to drag my arse on the crosstrainer and run for forty minutes, and not even on the easiest level. I just... I wish it was easier :L I wish it just took less exercise for me to be in shape. Oh well.

I'm going to Kate's later today and we shall watch anime. It will be fun.

I reckon this post is long enough, don't you? I'm going to go now.

Always, Mel.

BEDA #7: Babysitting.

"I'm not writing this because I'm too busy babysitting an adorable but slightly impossible four year old boy. It's been hard but I think I'm doing rather well because he seems to like me. He's awfully cuddly and eccentric; he gets scared from films easily. He has the cutest curly hair and a slight lisp and stammer, like too many thoughts are coming in at one and his mouth can't keep up. He likes Mr. Men. But he's, again, he's a bit impossible. Cute though.

Always Mel."

And Lauren Ashley is a sexy beast.

BEDA #6: Purple cereal.

My cereal milk has got lilac. That is the highlight of my day.

No, the highlights of my day are as follows:

- Purple cereal.

- Finishing Percy Jackson and the Titan's Curse (which is my favourite so far).

- The guy I liked walked into History and I giggled to myself. I think that's when I realised I legit have a crush on him, not just I thought he was attractive.

- The teacher at my RE revision was really cool.

- We finished reading To Kill a Mockingbird as a class. Finally.

- I had a pleasant conversation with George on the bus, which was odd, but as I said: pleasant too.

That's about it.

Oh, and I handed in my deposit for the Ski trip, which scares me a little because I think 'THERE'S NO GOING BACK NOW', because the deposit alone is £170. And I always back out of things like this. Always. I did in the German exchanged and with the Belgium trip (even though technically I don't think that I ever handed in anything for the Belgium trip). Funnily enough, both times have been because Lauren wasn't going; on the German trip, she did end up going and I didn't because I'm a pussy and get horrible, horrible homesickness and decided against it. Still, I think I'll be okay. I know that I'll be fine after the first night, if I get homesick. Plus I'll get back and wonder why I ever was, so.

I've found myself having doubts about taking Media too. I'm seriously considering swapping it for Philosophy for these reasons (I feel like lists today):

- It's a good A Level to have for Uni.

- Media is not.

- Media only covers a little of Film, which is the only thing that interests me in it anyway.

- I'm interested in R.E. and Philosophy is a lot like R.E. (Ciara will probably correct me on this but SHUT UP AND LET ME FINISH MY LIST BEFORE YOU WRITE A FORMSPRING QUESTION TO ME LIKE '*Actually*...').

- Philosophy has no coursework.

- I wanted to take Philosophy anyway. I was considering it before.

So I think I will take it. And do something on the side with Film outside of school in case I want to do it in Uni and want to have experience to make me a more viable candidate. I may have just used viable wrong but I don't care. Because really, all I like is critically analysing them, not making them; it's a bit hypocritical to be like 'This is shit' with a film when I know I couldn't do better but... it's fun. And it's something I could do.

Love always,

Mel.

BEDA #5: Sorry.

I have Maths revision after school today and then I need to tidy my room and do work so I might not make it on here. If you think I could manage, then you don't know how untidy my room is; it's more that I have lots of papers at the moment, scattered everywhere and anywhere and that I need to sort through them and decide which ones I need. Problem is, I most likely need all of them for revision. Sucks.

Orthodontist went fine. Got there an hour earlier so I sat outside reading the third Percy Jackson -- which I finished. Annabeth wasn't in it a lot so it pretty much sucked.

Can I just say there's been a Peter Pan explosion on Tumblr, and of one particular Peter Pan from Disneyland and I knew the guy, from my crush years ago, and suddenly everyone knows him? Psh, I was all over this shit ages ago Tumblr. For once, I am ahead of you. But yeah, he's totally cute.

Going to get dressed now,

Mel (love you always).

PS. Thank you for all the comments! ^^ Elisabeth, I'm looking forward to your BEDA too! :) And Ciara and Lauren... I can just tell you in person what I have to say about your comments, so.

BEDA #4: Orthodontist.

At 9:15, which is why I'm still at home at 7:25 in the morning, in my pijamas. I'm trying to squeeze in a blog now because I'm not sure I'll have that much time later, so it's better to get it out of the way. I'm starting to regret BEDA because people will expect big posts, and they most likely will not.

Nothing much happened yesterday. I finished reading a fanfic that was 29 chapters long, real chapters too, and it was amazing. It was Teddy/Victoire and it was lovely. I'm eager to read the sequel. Am supposed to be writing for Lauren some fanfic, so... that'd be good. Challenging.

Why did I agree to that again?

Love, Mel.

BEDA #3: Grey's Anatomy.

I want to write a full post on my opinions on what happened but honestly, there are too many and I was such an emotional wreck that I feel like watching it again will turn me back into that girl who was rocking back and forth on her bed, sobbing hysterically. It was such a raw episode. So full of good acting and character development and all that good stuff; which made me cry. I mean, Bailey especially is such a complex character to me and I analyse so many of her expressions because she is so expressive; Bailey is amazing. Lexie too. Ooh and Henry and Teddy are one of my new OTPs, jus sayin'. It takes a lot for that to happen.

I feel like watching The Emperor's New Groove. That film is a classic.

What else... I updated my fanfiction.net page; something I haven't done in two years. It still said I was fourteen. Fixed now.

Drinking tea and I have stomach cramps; at least my mother is playing KT Tunstall in the kitchen and I can hear it from here. I do enjoy KT Tunstall.

This has been a pointless blog post. Perhaps I'll add more to it later. I've started Percy Jackson and the Titan's Curse, so; I'll let you know how that goes.

Always, Mel.

Books: 16/75.

BEDA #2: Sucker Punch and Percy Jackson.

In the title are the two things that happened, or are happening in the case of the latter, in my life recently. I'm just about to finish the second Percy Jackson and I'm really sad that I didn't read it sooner; I suppose the fantasy genre has only recently grown onto me -- due to the Chaos Walking trilogy, which are amazing -- and so I'm just making up for lost time. I'm considering Artemis Fowl too because it just seems like something I should at least try. Plus, I'm trying to read 75 books this year so I might as well.

Sucker Punch was really good. I was doubtful because of the Rotten Tomatoes rating, 20%, since I usually quite agree with the overall thoughts on the film if not the rating. I agree that the strong points are the visuals and the style in which it is executed and that yes, they were better than the plot. Does that make me a hypocrite for what I've said about Avatar? Yes, a bit a suppose. But I still believe that the plot is far superior and original, though I looked forward to the action scenes more, and that the twist(s) were very, very good. I expected a lot of what happened in Avatar to happen and what I didn't did not surprise me that much; whereas the end to Sucker Punch I did not predict at all. I suppose the fact that the female characters are the mains and the fact that they're completely bad-ass and independent and fearless might make me partial.

The only downside I suppose was that it was made like the cut scenes in a video game, and that meant it made me want to go out and fight bad guys and use guns and kill dragons with samurai swords; cut scenes make you excited and eager to play, so I flailed around in my seat and whispering to Ciara, 'It's so awesome!' Because it was. The action scenes were absolutely amazing and breathtaking and were filmed perfectly. As always, Zack Snyder's cinematography is just effortlessly fluid and stylish, and that's why he's one of my favourite directors. If there's someone you want to adapt your comic book to a film, it's Snyder; I love V for Vendetta and think it's pretty much as well executed to its maximum potential, I so would love to see Zack Snyder go all... Zack Snyder on it.

Another thing is that while Sucker Punch wasn't the best film I've seen (Tangled!), the premise and the trailers match up to the film, if that makes sense. The idea I really liked, and Snyder made full use of it; while the trailers show the main parts, it doesn't show the only good parts and there's a lot more to it than the adverts. That I think is what makes a good film; not a good idea itself, but when it is used properly. I quite like the balance of that. Looking forward to the director's cut, because it still felt a bit empty towards the very, very end.

That is all I have to say. Here's a picture of my current spirit animal, Annabeth Chase from the Percy Jackson series:

And for Ciara, a song she should listen to because it's so feel good.

Love always, Mel.

BLOG EVERY DAY IN APRIL AH.

Yeah, I be doing this shit. Just when I have time; so, for now there'll be shitty posts like this. Sorry. I'm seeing Sucker Punch today, so I'll let you know how that goes because I've looked forward to it because Zack Snyder is amazing. If anything, the visuals will be spectacular.

Love, Mel.

Cinema.

Merhghehrhhgheghhgehghge blogging. Hey blog. It's been some days, I'd say. But to be honest, I haven't blogged for reasons; one of them being that I don't have any more of my pirate story to put in and it feels weird to post without it. Helena, Vincent and Benjamin became such a crucial part of my blog and though I was worried about disappointing people, I liked sharing it with you. They were a pretty complex trio considering they were characters made by me and I was proud of them; they had dimensions and all that lovely stuff that is good with fictional characters.

But I've seen True Grit and Never Let Me Go in just the last day or so and so I should talk about that, I guess. What the two films made me notice in particular is how opinions differ; I personally really, really loved Hailee Steinfeld in True Grit, whereas she annoyed Lauren. I mean, she was really baddass; she was only fourteen but she really got stuff done and was more assertive than anyone I'd ever seen. And yet she still conveyed that childishness about her; you could see she was scared sometimes and doubted what she was doing as right. I mean, yeah, she could have plucked her eyebrows but it didn't bother me that much because it kind of made sense for the time, in my mind anyway.

Jeff Bridges, though his accent was hard to understand at times, said every line with such perfect timing, particularly on his funny lines; Matt Damon's character was almost nerdy with how proud he was about being a Texas Ranger; and as I said, Hailee Steinfeld was superb, especially for how young she is. I really wish she isn't one of those child actors who either get so drugged up they ruin their career, or just simply disappear by either a bad role in a next film or whatever.

And in regards to Never Let Me Go, I really liked that too. I didn't really love either films; they were good but not mindblowing. The performance that stood out in NLMG was Andrew Garfield's; I was surprised but how very talented he is. From The Social Network, I knew he could act. I knew he could act well; I wasn't quite aware of the extent of that 'well'. The way he manages to portray so much with such ingenuity and real naivety. Don't ask me about how my heart feels in the scene where he gets out the car and screams; it just... I can't. Carey Mulligan didn't because I knew how much she could say with just her eyes; there was no surprise there but she was still fantastic, don't get me wrong, but it's just that she always is.

I'd recommend True Grit over Never Let Me Go just because I was more surprised about how much I liked True Grit; I usually don't go for Westerns but I really enjoyed it thoroughly due to the way it flowed. Thinking over it now, it's hard to pinpoint why I liked it exactly; I just did.

I also saw I Am Number Four and the only thing that impressed with from that were the pretty decent actions scenes; there could have been more of them but I'm interested enough for the sequel. I just hope they focus more on the action because the world needs a teen film which doesn't try to act all angsty about love or whatever and has solid fantasy/sci-fi. It shows promise. Did I prefer NLMG? Yes. True Grit? Yes. But was it really that bad? No, not at all; especially for the target audience it has.

I think I'll add some Treasure Planet fanfiction because it has pirates; Space pirates, but pirates nonetheless; and because to not have some creative writing in a post feels weird.

Jim jerked awake with the frantic but sleepy mumblings of the crewman above him. His immediate instinct was to ask if everything was okay but he realised that if he did that he’d wake up a grumpy, violent pirate who would trigger the consciousness of the rest of the grumpy, violent pirates and Jim didn’t really feel like dying just yet. Closing his eyes, he tried to fall back asleep he was in, where he was dreaming about his mother’s face when he returned and presented with a bag of gold to set her for life; but instead he keeps getting interrupted by the loud though strangely in sync snores of the mean around him, and so goes out for some fresh air as quietly as he could.

He tiptoed out and saw Lillian, the girl he saw briefly when in the Captain’s stateroom as she was in the adjacent room. She looked different. Perhaps it was because her hair was down or the fact she was in her pijamas or maybe it was just the pensive look she had on her face; it was almost melancholy with how serene it was. Either way, she didn’t seem like the snobby bookworm he was introduced to. He walked over to her.

“Couldn’t sleep either?” he guessed, keeping his voice light and casual.

“I never can,” she replied; the first works she’d said properly to him.

“On the ship?”

“Just in general. At all. Ever.”

“Oh.” She wasn’t really one for conversation. “That’s unfortunate.”

“You get used to it,” she said, “after a while. I’ve been more a night person.” She looked at him and sighed. “Look, I feel like we got off on the wrong foot. I’m sorry.”

“No –” She held up a hand to stop him.

“No really,” she said earnestly. “I’m sorry. It’s my fault for being rude. In my defence though, I was woken up from my nap to meet you, so.” She extended her hand to him. “I’m Lily.”

“Jim.” He smiled.

“I know,” she laughed. Jim noted her laugh was oddly pleasant and had the same rich, warm tone to it as his mother’s; back when she used to laugh all the time. “Don’t worry about Auntie Amelia either; she’s stern but she means well. And ignore her if she keeps telling you to call me ‘Miss Lillian’.”

“‘Auntie Amelia’?” asked Jim skeptically.

She laughed again, “Yeah, godmother, didn’t she say? She and my dad have been friends for years now, since before I was ever born I think.” She paused and rubbed her hands together slowly and gently. “It gets kind of hard at home with just me and my dad, so I’m glad to have her. As much as I love him, he is a bit intense sometimes.”

Jim faught and lost against the urge to say, “Well as least you’ve got a dad.” His voice didn’t come out as resentful as he thought it would, but was a little bitter all the same.

“I’m sorry,” said Lily as she smiled apologetically at him. He was well-acquainted with the expression she was wearing; he’d seen it ever since his father left and it followed him around. Not so much nowadays, with him becoming an infamous delinquent and all; yet there were still those who remained faithful to the idea that it was because the poor boy didn’t have a father and that we mustn’t treat him too harshly, is that clear? Whether it was true, Jim didn’t know; how could you guarantee all the ‘what ifs’ you encounter? What if his father hadn’t left? What if he’d been raised like every other kid he knew? All he knew was that he did what he wanted most of the time and whether his father not being there contributed to that or not, he would never know. “I guess shouldn’t complain.”

“It’s fine,” he said quietly. “I don’t really remember him,” Yes he did, “and if he thought he was too good for me and my mom then that’s his problem. Not that just having a mother is a picnic but...”

“At least you’ve got a mom,” she mimicked but they both laughed, oddly bonding over the fact that neither of them had a full set of parents.

“Did she leave too?”

“No, she died when I was young. I don’t remember her either.”

“I’m sorry.” He knew how to say the words: he’d been told them so many times; but this time he wanted his sincerity to be clear in his voice because being abandoned by choice was hard; but to know that neither parties want it to happen made it more unfair somehow.

“It’s not your fault,” she said gently. Lily inhaled slowly, closing her eyes as she did so and Jim watched her hair swirl around her in the wind.

“I think I’m going to read and try to sleep,” she said. “Goodnight.”

Giving her a small smile, Jim nodded; unable to form words because he’d seen pretty girls and even met a few, but never had he encountered any that were actually interesting.

Half-term.

And now begins my week off. Hopefully I'll be spending it productively, and that means going to Ciara's house and working my ass off. I need to do work this half-term. Planning on doing some revision tonight, even if just a little; because once I start I'll be able to get into it more.

The reason I haven't blogged in a while is because I haven't really got farther than that on my pirate story. As I said, I didn't really have a plot in mind and I guess I was just playing about, developing the characters and exploring them. I have some ideas in mind but... nothing solid enough for a real, strong story. Maybe I'll try to write some more on it, but atm I'm busy writing some Treasure Planet fanfiction while has been in the works inside my mind for a while. It involves an OC (original character for you fanfiction n00bs) and that may be behind my reluctance; no-one likes OCs, especially when it's a love interest. Especially when in the original movie/book/whatever there wasn't a love interest involved for the character, because they assume it's a self-insert.

That's not to say that I don't share similarities with Lily; but it's things like: she's shy and has brown hair. I mean, hers is darker. And messier. Or not; I haven't decided whether it's straight or not, but I think it's kind of curly. It suits her best.

She's an interesting one because she's turned out deeper than I thought she would be; she acts all cool and indifferent because I wanted a girl who could baffle Jim and leave him flustered and confused. But then I wanted her to be a girl and get all flustered from Jim too, so I've kind of based her off Haruhi from Ouran. Y'know, when she falls for Tamaki in the manga and blushes all the time. I wanted both characters to not know how to deal with the other, because... I thought it'd be sweet. And that's how adolescence itself it; understanding things one moment, and then not the next. Jim thought he knew girls, my Jim doesn't know them well, but then Lily comes along who will be friendly one minute but then he asks her out and she pushes him away and avoids him. Okay so maybe Lily's more like me than I thought :L

And likewise Lily's had boyfriends and knows how it works, but Jim unnerves her and she doesn't like it. Plus Jim still has the whole daddy issues subplot which I love so it's even more confusing for him. ~ADOLESCENCE~.

I'll maybe post some here, because I've got quite a few little one shots. Like the pirate story (God I wish I had a name for it, because calling it that is so annoying) it doesn't really have a set flowing story. I think of it as the film as it is but adding bits in, because having a giiiiirl on board would change everything (the Captain is not a girl, she is a woman; also the female pirate head is not a girl, she is a... an alien. And the Captain is a fucking cat). I don't see why they didn't do it; I mean I guess changing it to space is a pretty drastic change for the original and I don't mean that I think it would have been good to have a girl --I mean, it could have, but only if executed a certain way-- but just as in it's something Disney would have done. You know what I mean? They would have added in a girl; it would get girls to want to watch the movie. But, then again, would have put guys off. Oh well, I guess I'll just have my fanfiction.

Do you guys want to see it? That includes you, people I know IRL: comment. I like it when you comment.

Yesterday I spent the day in London. All of London, it felt like. I went to my friend's, Artur's, house there because it was his mother's birthday the day before and she was having a get together. But he'd arranged to meet with some friends and so I tagged along.

It wasn't as awkward as I thought it was going to be, tbh. His friends are nice and friendly and included me; not that I needed it, because I like just the sound of conversation sometimes and the laughter even when I'm not involved. One of them seemed amazed that I live in Brighton and thought it was "cool". I assured that it wasn't that great; I love where I live but I know it's got a bit of a reputation of being... wild. Because we have hippies and goths and gays all in one place and a beach and parks; but while there are hippies and goths and gays, there's normal people too, just like every other place.

We went to an arcade. I loved it. I made a fool of myself in front of his friends because Artur is amazing at Dance Dance Revolution and I honestly struggle with medium while he is breezing through hard; I lost at the versus game we played; I bought lunch that I didn't need. But there was something so 90's about it that I was amazed; amazed that their only plan was to go to arcade and that was it. And to an arcade. The last time I went to an arcade that was just an arcade; a place that didn't have a pier but was just an arcade with arcade games and... it was beautiful. Just breathtaking.

We took buses around the place just randomly picking landmarks to go to; Big Ben, Trafalgar Square, Piccadilly Circus, Waterloo, Regent Street. We didn't spend much time at them but it was weird with how big London was and how to them it was just home whereas to me, even though I've been many, many times before, it's London. It's exciting and it's a place to plan to spend a day in, not somewhere you go on a whim.

It was weird to see Artur having other friends too; the fact that he's built a circle of friends in which I'm not included. I know it's stupid but it's weird when you grow up with someone and they're a huge part of your world and then they become a smaller part simply because you're not that big a part in theirs any more. It's like Luiza in Brazil like that too, but I've had years to get used to that.

I'm going to go now because I'm sure none of you will read this far.

Always yours,

Mel.

Missing Disney.

I guess it's too much time on tumblr that's making me seriously want to watch Disney; I mean, my blog has been pretty much Tangled recently and thus I'm following more Disney-related blogs, because everyone who loves Disney seems to love Tangled, and so I'm getting so much Little Mermaid and Sleeping Beauty on my dash that it's making me miss my childhood. I may not have had Harry Potter, but I had shitloads of Disney and anime in mine and I caught up with HP in the years where I was old enough to appreciate it so. I guess my point is that my childhood was pretty solid. I mean the 'moving countries twice' thing was emotionally crippling and has affected my self-esteem and confidence in talking to others in the worst way imaginable, but I had good TV/film.

I had badminton today and got praised! Woot woot all across the sky! It's the first time I've been kind of good at a sport and I know it's a relatively easy sport to play but let me revel in this little moment in which I'm actually good at something that's not academic. Okay moment over. It's time for story, eh?

“She’s impossible!” the Captain cried exasperatedly, slamming his hands down on the table. “She’s ridiculous and misleading and... impossible!”

“You said impossible twice,” Benjamin informed him calmly.

“I don’t care!” he said, kicking the wall. “We have sex and it’s absolutely astronomical and there I was thinking that from then on we could... I don’t know what I thought. I most certainly didn’t think that she’d have a sudden, sporadic mood change and leave straight after. She’s impossible.”

“Thrice.”

“Benjamin I’m serious!” he snapped. “What am I going to do? She’s making it so much more difficult than it has to be. She’s...”

“She is definitely unlike any of the other girls you’ve fraternized wise. But that’s why she’s my favourite. You’re going to have to learn your way around that one; she’s a force of nature.”

“You’re with her all the time,” the Captain said as if he’d only just realised. He gestured his finger towards Benjamin purposefully. “You know her better than anyone else; you could help me.”

“Just listen to her,” Benjamin said simply. “Listen to what she has to say. She’s actually rather interesting; she’s still so naïve after all that she’s done. After a conversation with her you can just hear it ringing in her voice; she talks about making love like it’s an act, not an emotional bonding. It’s almost like she can’t separate violence from sex.”

The Captain nodded rapidly, taking the information in and looked down at the floor, “Thank you for that. It’s not like I thought I did pretty well or anything; she seemed to enjoy herself as well. That’s slightly unnerving.”

“You’re very welcome.” He grinned. “But I’m serious: the way to go with Helena is just sit down and listen to her. But you can start by apologizing.”

*

Helena was contemplating whether Posh-Helena would have had straight hair and whether she would have stormed out of the Captain’s bed like she did.

Hands in his pockets, he strode towards her and sat down. “I truly am sorry if I upset you.”

Helena raised her eyebrows, “Go on.”

“And I promise to try my hardest to not be too overprotective.”

“Because?”

“Because you’re a strong, independent young woman who can take care of herself.”

She smiled, pleased, and took his hand; she didn’t know why but it felt instinctive. She turned his palm over in hers and traced the lines with her finger. “Thank you.”

“Though can I just say that in my defense, I think I’m the perfect amount of protective and if I am overprotective, it’s just because I don’t want you hurt.”

“I can handle of myself,” Helena reminded him softly, distracted.

He leaned his forehead against hers, “I know. It’s just... I’m paranoid, is all.”

“I know,” she breathed, blinking at him. “Vincent,” she said. “I’ve got that tightness in my stomach against. I think it means that you should kiss me.”

And so he did.

The King's Speech.

I was going to see Tangled again, but decided against it. I'll see it again at some point though; if I saw Burlesque and Twilight twice, then by God I'll see Tangled more than once so help me.

Ciara also thought I was a bit of a cock-tease, per se, regarding my story; by saying I had three parts and then just posting the one. She didn't say it in so many words, but that's what she meant. I mean, she used a sexual analogy, but that's just Ciara. Point being: you need to stop liking this story so much. All of you. Seriously. The pressure is too much. And it sucks a little bit, let's be honest.

Here goes:

Helena should have known that if just standing near the Captain felt different, then sex with him was going to be different as well. She released the pillow which she had clung to so fiercely and the world became still again; she could feel his breathing, sharp and warm, on her neck, the hot imprints of the kisses he’d planted on every patch of skin possible. She began to wonder if that was how it was supposed to be, if all it took for it to be that spectacular was the right person at the right time with the right amount of experience and need, when she was suddenly acutely aware that she was naked. She stretched out her arm from underneath him and began putting on his shirt.

“What are you doing?” he asked, rolling beside her.

“I don’t like being naked.” She said it very matter-of-factly. It was only when she saw his raised eyebrows that it didn’t really make sense. “Oh. Erm, I don’t know. I just don’t like being that exposed.”

He shook his head and laughed, rubbing his eyes and yawning. She watched the muscles in his arms tense and move as he stretched his arms behind him, fascinated and tempted to drag her fingers along them; confused, she said, “What? What is it?”

“If all it took was to make you feel vulnerable was to undress you I would have done so a long time ago.” She was about to speak when he slowly brought their faces together and kissed her sweetly and lengthily.

Pulling away, she blinked away the daze, “Why do you want me to feel vulnerable?”

“Well, you’re a woman; I feel you forget that sometimes. You’re very, very vulnerable to the world Helena and I think if you were more wary of how frail you are, I’d be more inclined to let you roam free.”

Though her body ached to be as close to him as possible, she wrenched it from his, “Firstly, since when am I an animal; and secondly, what does being a woman have anything to do with this?”

“Well you’re more likely to fall into the hands of danger, as you have already displayed—”

“That was one time!” she protested. “I’m getting very, very tired of you and Benjamin treating me like I’m defenseless child!” She stood up, hands balled into fists at her side. “I am not your helpless maiden or a damsel in distress! I can bloody handle myself and I don’t appreciate being treated like one!”

The Captain laughed uncertainly and reached for her, “Helena please let’s not argue, I—”

“No,” she said, pushing his hands away from her, “I’m not sure how I feel about... I think it’s best for now if we let this simmer for a bit until you’re ready to accept that I’m not a little miss that needs to be protected.”

He looked up, his eyes so incredulous. She leaned forward and kissed his forehead, “Good day Vincent.”