In which Melanie laments and celebrates Esther Earl.

Yeah, if you read my blog then you're a nerdfighter, in which case, you probably watch vlogbrothers and that means you know who Esther Earl is. If not, I have no problem at all in filling in you on as much as I know about this amazing girl.

Esther Earl was a sixteen year old girl who almost single-handedly (from what I can tell), helped the Harry Potter Alliance win $25,000 in order to help lesser fortunate people in less economically developed countries. Esther was bright and happy and smart and quirky. Esther was "astonishingly apathetic, really thoughtful (and) very funny", according to John Green. Esther was inspirational enough to all of Nerdfighteria to have a scrapbook filled with notes given to her by her friends, bursting with gushing words from Nerdfighters who loved her immensely. Esther Earl, at the ripe, tender age of sixteen, died from cancer early in the morning on 25th of August.

I... have to admit I never fully watched many of her videos. There weren't my style of entertainment and plus I thought she was too perky and a little annoying; I respected her deeply, but never really made a fuss of watching her. I saw her in a vlogbrothers video and I warmed to her the moment John Green attempted a puff fight, and she jokily replied, "I don't know, yours has a lot more shape than mine,". I guess the reason this is is because if I had cancer, I doubt I would be able to accept having my hair be a 'puff'; I doubt I'd be able to leave my room, let alone happily meet John Green. I'd be too depressed to eat, and yet watching some of her videos now, she was not that different to me; she claimed to be lazy, she spoke with her arms a lot, she got excited and sang Wrock songs. It's truly admirable that she just got on with her life instead of moping like I would have done.

I turned on Twitter the minute I found out, and saw all these people who I follow who were complaining about having to go to work, or their videos being too big to upload, and I felt angry. I never knew Esther personally but I wanted these people, a lot of them who outlived her, to be happy to be alive and kicking while Esther had already entered her endless slumber. I think it was when I saw her last Tweet, which she had posted at around midnight of the 24th, that I started to cry, or when I found out her age; I imagined me dying next year, or Ciara dying now, and it saddened me, and once I was crying I remembered the death of my Great Uncle and soon the tears were a mess of missing Esther and Tio Jorge. I prayed for the first time in ages that night, curled in my tent, still weeping as quietly as I could.

I wish I met her. I wish I'd talked to her. I wish I told her she was one of my heroes just because she never gave up.

But I don't think Esther would want me to live on in my 'I wish's, and instead I'm going to hold my head up high and live my life to the fullest for her. I'm going to be thankful that I'm someone who knew of her and could have been touched by her; I can imagine one day I'll look back on Esther and instead of wanting to fight back the tears in a Wi-Fi zone in a camping site, I will smile and tell those around me of this wonderful, beautiful young woman who I'd vaguely had contact with, who was ripped a long and prosperous life, and whose love for living had changed me.

For more information from better sources click here and here.

Always yours,

Mel.