In which Melanie apologises to Lauren...

...because this post is not going to be that special. Really. At least, not so far, because I'm feeling pretty lazy and have that weight on my conscience that has the shape of a Word document with some shit about Elizabeth Blackwell. Yeah... I really should get back to that soon-ish.

So, last BEDA day. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? Feelings? You want me to talk about my feelings? Okay, I guess I could do that with difficulty but regardless. That didn't make sense; and neither does most things, okay? Bye. Not really. Okay. Here we gooooo.

I think my friends are super pretty and awesome and I like them a lot. I cherish them more than I cherish any other thing that I have in my life. My friends are literally my extended family. They are just so nice and amazing. If you don't believe me, look at these: 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5. I just, love them. I thought they should know that because they should know. Guys, I don't deserve you. Honestly, I don't. I suck compared to y'all. You're all too pretty, smart, witty, nerdy and both lame and cool in their own ways (like they should because cool/lame people are awesome;. just ask the volgbrothers).

On a much more disgusting note, the movie 'Splice'. Wikipedia it if you doubt that humanity is disgusting; it will fully fill that doubt. People are messed up. It sucks. And really, it's people like my friends who restore the faith that we can do good things.

I kind of wanted to write something nice about how much I like Lauren, Kate, Sophie, Ellie, Olivia, and co so much, but whatever. That's the vibe you should get from it anyway.

BYE BEDA I LOVED YOU IN APRIL BUT IN AUGUST YOU WERE JUST A PAIN. SEE YOU NEXT YEAR.

Yours,

Mel.

I HATE BEDA

I need to do homework and I can't blog right now, sorry. I like wheezywaiter. Bye.

Sorry.

So Lauren's a douche and is going to go to bed early because she is so unbelievably tired, both physically and mentally. Anyway, sorry. Ilovemelaniekress. Goodnight.

Woah, what a coincidence Mel is busy too?!!?

Not really. Lauren is busy reading and Mel is busy being lovely and enjoying the heat of Portugal whilst it rains in England (yay XD)

So this is going to be very short, in fact it's pretty much ending here. Goodbye. Sorry I suck at blogging for myself and other people. I should really not be trusted.

x

In which Melanie laments and celebrates Esther Earl.

Yeah, if you read my blog then you're a nerdfighter, in which case, you probably watch vlogbrothers and that means you know who Esther Earl is. If not, I have no problem at all in filling in you on as much as I know about this amazing girl.

Esther Earl was a sixteen year old girl who almost single-handedly (from what I can tell), helped the Harry Potter Alliance win $25,000 in order to help lesser fortunate people in less economically developed countries. Esther was bright and happy and smart and quirky. Esther was "astonishingly apathetic, really thoughtful (and) very funny", according to John Green. Esther was inspirational enough to all of Nerdfighteria to have a scrapbook filled with notes given to her by her friends, bursting with gushing words from Nerdfighters who loved her immensely. Esther Earl, at the ripe, tender age of sixteen, died from cancer early in the morning on 25th of August.

I... have to admit I never fully watched many of her videos. There weren't my style of entertainment and plus I thought she was too perky and a little annoying; I respected her deeply, but never really made a fuss of watching her. I saw her in a vlogbrothers video and I warmed to her the moment John Green attempted a puff fight, and she jokily replied, "I don't know, yours has a lot more shape than mine,". I guess the reason this is is because if I had cancer, I doubt I would be able to accept having my hair be a 'puff'; I doubt I'd be able to leave my room, let alone happily meet John Green. I'd be too depressed to eat, and yet watching some of her videos now, she was not that different to me; she claimed to be lazy, she spoke with her arms a lot, she got excited and sang Wrock songs. It's truly admirable that she just got on with her life instead of moping like I would have done.

I turned on Twitter the minute I found out, and saw all these people who I follow who were complaining about having to go to work, or their videos being too big to upload, and I felt angry. I never knew Esther personally but I wanted these people, a lot of them who outlived her, to be happy to be alive and kicking while Esther had already entered her endless slumber. I think it was when I saw her last Tweet, which she had posted at around midnight of the 24th, that I started to cry, or when I found out her age; I imagined me dying next year, or Ciara dying now, and it saddened me, and once I was crying I remembered the death of my Great Uncle and soon the tears were a mess of missing Esther and Tio Jorge. I prayed for the first time in ages that night, curled in my tent, still weeping as quietly as I could.

I wish I met her. I wish I'd talked to her. I wish I told her she was one of my heroes just because she never gave up.

But I don't think Esther would want me to live on in my 'I wish's, and instead I'm going to hold my head up high and live my life to the fullest for her. I'm going to be thankful that I'm someone who knew of her and could have been touched by her; I can imagine one day I'll look back on Esther and instead of wanting to fight back the tears in a Wi-Fi zone in a camping site, I will smile and tell those around me of this wonderful, beautiful young woman who I'd vaguely had contact with, who was ripped a long and prosperous life, and whose love for living had changed me.

For more information from better sources click here and here.

Always yours,

Mel.

Braclets and Apples.

The title is basically just what's in front of me. The apples are there because I'm at my dining room table and I had to take off my bracelets to write out my History homework, cos' I'm weird like that and write best with no distractions. That means no bracelets, hair tied up and fringe clipped back.

There you go, I'm giving you little bits of trivia about my really exciting life. Lucky things.

Now because I'm doing my History homework I'm going to go so that I don't procrastinate like I've been doing for the past 4 weeks and actually get it done!

Bye.

Yes! No misspellings again!

Gawd.

So because I'm like totally awesome in every way I bet my exam results are gonna be awesome and I'm going to get an A* in History, unlike Lauren who is an idiot and couldn't just get one more mark, I mean what a douche.

Blah.

Melanie I need you :(

PS Blogger accepts blah as a word. That's so cool.

Hm.

Lauren Marie Ashley is a gay.

It's a world-wide known fact.

She fails epically at life everyday.

Sorry love.

p.s. I love it when the spell check tells me that there were no misspellings found XD

*sigh* again.

So, like the idiot I am, I left melanie's blog till the last minute.

Dayum, got stop doing that.

I'm watching lee Evans again, frecking love him so much. His wife is a lucky woman. His daughter is very lucky too. I wish my dad was that funny.

I've decided that imma go and get my results tomorrow morning, rather than wait a day. I'm scared.

On that note, imma go.

I miss Melanie :( want her back now.

Bye, uninterested blog readers.

Imma real sorry.

I didn't post a blog for Melanie yesterday. I'm really sorry, I forgot only because I was at Sophie's and just forgot to write in the morning.

I'm being a dork and listening to "When I look at you" by Miley Cyrus. This song makes me want to cry for some reason. I'm just too much of an emotional person. I really gotta do something about that. Toughen myself up. Psh, yeah right.

So I've spent the past hour going through nerdfighter secrets. It's pretty awesome, but some things are a little depressing and just mean. But tbh It's not like I have anything better to do.

OHMYGOSH JUST BOUGHT LOOKING FOR ALASKA! YAY!

Bye. x

Wawawawa speaking from Póvoa (BEDA #20)

(I think. Not actually sure where I am right now, tbh.)

I'm sticking with the default font for once just to see how this all turns out. It seems so... colouring inside the lines to me, but Ciara's complained about my font size so I reckon I should do something about it, seeing as she is one of the few readers I have.

Onto ranting about the camping. We are now in a different one which is more crowded and therefore louder. It kind of sucks because I wonder how well I'm going to be able to fall asleep. Also, the people here all look really moody and stare at me for no apparent reason. It's making me want to place a plague on both their households, if you know what I mean.

There is one cute guy here. I ran into him not looking my best, seeing as I saw him as I left the shower place, my hair up in a convenient, yet not really attractive. Our eyes connected for a split second, and I have to say it took a few moments for me to register what I had just seen. He was tan, but his hair had been kissed by the sun, so the ends of his curly locks were a dirty blonde. He was wearing a skin tight wet suit. I approved of it. He looked my age, or maybe a bit older. I think that's why he struct a chord; he's older and has curly hair. I don;t know, they've always been small turn ons for me. No idea why. Sue me.

I even opted to changing in the toilets near the showers, as opposed to in my room in my tent just to see if if maybe I ran into him coming out of the shower. I also stood in the toilets for a bit in case he took a long time showering, but then I contemplated perhaps he had really short showers? Also, I considered how he looked like a surfer; should I wear my swimming/surferesque shorts to show him how much we have in common$? Or should I wear my skirt in an attempt to look like a girl and prove to him that I don't always walk around with trampy towels wrapped around my head to look like a turban? I chose the skirt, but didn't run into him.

42 books out of 50 so far. I can actually do this.

It's cold now! Weird. I'm in a long sleeve top, leggings and a cardie because I didn't actually bring jeans because I assumed, you know, it'd be hot all the time. How I was wrong; how wrong I was. Well, I brought some skinnies, but they seem really, harsh, if you know what I mean.

Had dinner. Fuck they eat a lot here; I think I am gaining weight and so I am going to eat some more greens as from now, especially on this holiday. I miss greens, and fruit. Haven't had that many so far. Not that much water either. That's bad. I should get some water when I get to the tent. And read some more of my book, Yes Man. It's funny and I like it. I am actually mimicking Danny Wallace when I try to write at the moment without really realising it. I don't really mind, tbh.

Longer blog than I have written recently. THAT'S NEW. I miss England.

Yours,

Mel.

Mel is hier again, oh ja (BEDA #19)

The wife of the man who is named Tande and who is my dad's friend, has just informed me that they do not have wireless in their home, which means that I am currently stealing the internet of some other Portuguese neighbour and wasting their bandwidth. It's their own fault for not putting a code on it, yo.

Er, this house is super duper chic and nice. It's rather intimidating how together it is, if you know what I mean. It's all neat and tidy. The woman, called Uli (?) is German and has a super long name that no one can pronounce, thus it been shortened to Uli. Anyway, Uli is a art therapist, which would explain how the house is decorated so harmoniously. It's pretty and I like their floor; it's a wood that is a reddish, chestnut colour that blushes under the sun's glow. That was a nice sentence I just spewed out right there.

Also, it's still hot and we're living at the camping site. Our tent is big and green. People are loud and there are drunken teenagers who like to SING REALLY LOUDLY AT NIGHT IN A PORTUGUESE ACCENT. It's funny when they do it during the day, but at night it just makes me want to kill a baby. I'm fine in the mornings to get up even if I'm tired, but if I'm tired at night and am desperately trying to get to bed, I would probably even tell Charlie McDonnell or Alex Day to go away because I wanted to sleep. I would probably ask them to come back in the morning, but still.

What else... I'm stuck in Pokemon Leaf Green because I need to get to One Island but can't because I can't find the fucking ferry because it's not on Cinnabar Island any more. ARGHHH. I think I'll Google it when I finish this. There is a pool in the camp place but I don't like sharing pools, especially with teenage boys whose sobriety is questionable. Also my stomach is horrifying.

I'm boredy bored now. Lauren I love your posts because you are a sexual beast.

Yours,

Mel.

111th POST!

Does anyone else find this awesome? No? I'm the only nerd here? Dayum.

So I'm going to write a very brief post (I only have four freakin' minutes) as if I'm Melanie. Here goes;

Ahem. So I'm missing everyone in Enlgland like super loads. Especially like Lauren cos' she's like so totally awesome! I wish I was in rainy England because I just want to be with Lauren like so much it like hurts, like real bad.

Melanie time = over.

So I wrote that and the voice in my head was a kind of American-bubblegum-eating-thirteen-year-old. Did anyone else get that vibe? TWO MINUTES!

So I love you Melanie, if you're actually reading the horribly atrocious posts that I'm writing, then I'm sorry to put you through so much pain and I'm sorry I'm subjecting your blog to short posts when it is obviously used to incredibly long ones. I don't think your blog likes me, I don't spew genius when I write. Dayum. I like writing that :)

Bye Love.

Lauren Ashley sucks.

She does, but I know deep down that she is really reeeally sorry for sucking at blogging.
She is.
Wow this episode of CSI is creeeepy.
Yours, Mel/Lauren.

Sweet holy Jesus it's Mel again! (BEDA #17)

Mel: Calvin, what do you want to write in this post?
Calvin: Hehe... er...
Mel: What's your favourite Pokemon? Top three?
Calvin: Bulbasaur, Eevee and Sandshrew. And then put a smiley face. (:))

Okayyyy... today was hot and I sweated. I have some nice deodorant though, so it's all good. The family were really sweet and luckily I am getting used to the accent. In fact, I've nailed a decent impression. I would share it with you, but I can't, really. It's pretty cute, if I say so myself, because I sound so badly like a Brazilian imitating a Portuguese, But, my cousins, my many cousins, are super chill and have dogs, so my time there was not too awkward. Also, there was a baby, and I like babies in the legal way and managed to distract myself as I watched Francisco being fascinated by the fridge magnets. Also, third cousin Joao Pedro is really witty for his age and don't take no shit from no-one, which was amusing.

Ate some more fattening yet delicious pastries and some really tasty pineapple mousse. Had three servings of said mousse and am now feeling slightly ill with how much I've eaten. I want to get to the beach already to burn it off in the sea just by walking around. I cannot wait for the sea, or a swimming pool.

I might be able to sort of save Lauren writing me too many blog posts because I found out there is wi-fi at the camping site, and I can just sit and boil in a tent while I let you know how much fucking weight I've gained. Eurrghhhhh I feel so bloated and fat.

I want Taylor Swift's new album to come out because I like her songs very much. I wish I'd downloaded Kesha's album to listen to because she's kind of awesome in a weird way. I dunno, I like her. Sorry y'all.

Yours,
Mel.

Mel hier (BEDA #16)

Gah Portugal is excessively hot and it took forever to get here. Seriously, I don't know if you know, but we had to cut through France and then Spain to get to this cute little town in Portugal called Fafe. Unforch, we are not staying here and instead are moving onto more cities in Portugal like Porto.

Because it took so long, we stayed in this cute little town called Bayonne which was cute. But we couldn't find a hotel for ages and then managed to just outside of the main Bayonne bit. It was kind of cramped and hot and I got really thirsty and my Gran snored; not my best night of sleep.

Erm, we had dinner at Quick, a French fast food restaurant and I got to speak some of the little French I know, like, "Where is a hotel here?" and "Is it expensive?" and "Can I have some water please?". Oh, useful phrases. I also had a dream that I met Ms. Mazzoleni in France; not that funny considering she is my French teacher.

Sigh, what elseeeeee. Well, then we breakfasted in France, lunched in Spain and dinnered in Portugal. How odd and sophisticated don't you agree?

Portugal is nice. The town is sweet and my parents keep gushing about how much it's changed in two decades and blah blah blah. We went to the registry office and talked to two women I don't know but love my parents. Pastries are good and the wine is too (according to my mum and Gran). We have to meet up with family tomorrow so I'm taking this opportunity to blog be--

That's where I was cut off. I had to sign off; I hadn't been captured by an infamous villain whose name begins with Candle and ends in Jack. Don't know him? Let me introduce to my overlordGoogle. He will take it from there.

I cried a lot today. Some of it from happiness because I have the best friends ever who are so nice to the point where I feel like I don't deserve them; it's true, I have a complex. We went through this in therapy: I have a paranoia where I always feel like people aren't going to like me. I believe such trauma occurred when I moved to Brazil and then back to England. It's my parents's fault I'm awkward! W00t someone to blame for my problems.

I wish I'd gone to SOA. That's a little bit of why I cried today tbh. I'm still sort of upset. I think it's one of those infamous things that I'll always feel a little bitter and/or resented about not being able to go. It was their first gig and shiz and, I dunno, I reckon they'll probably do more gigs, but it won't ever be quite the same. Sigh it's annoying that way. The best word for what I feel I guess would beee frustration. It would explain my crying.

So, about Portugal! Ermmmmmm I like the food and I wish it was more pleasant that hot because there are wildfires and it makes me feel bad about the people losing their home and whtaevs. Also, the shops are open til eleven and it's just weird; it's like finding a wild Pidgey at level 36. It's just against nature.

Everything here is so cheap and I'm filming a lot. I'm sweaty so I'm going to go battttttheeeeeee.

Always yours,

Mel.

Ah Damn...

...So you may or may not have realised that it's actually been me, Lauren, writing Melanie's blogs for the past two days. I know that if I hadn't have told you, you wouldn't have figured it out, but I cannot go on living a lie.

I don't really know what to write for Melanie's blog because a) I'm not Melanie, b) The stuff on here will probably be the exact same stuff on my blog and c) I have to this for like two weeks.

I'm doing half of BEDA for her. Surely that's not fair considering I have my own BEDA also. Psh. I'm such a good friend. Doing this for her.

For the reasons above, chances are that the posts I put on here are not going to be amazingly long and intelligent as I usually write my posts at night when I'm overtired and barely coherent.

I have just drawn all over my leg in black CD pen. That's going to be fun if I should wear shorts tomorrow. But tbh I'm probably not going to wear shorts tomorrow. The weather is ridiculous for the middle of August. I like it, but apparently people want sunshine, don't see why, the sun is an evil thing, but people in England crave the summer because our winters are relatively harsh. I however absolutely adore the winter. It's so pretty and then people put up Christmas lights and there's just that general giddy feeling pulsing in the air and it just...gah! I don't even have words to describe it. Winter is beautiful basically. Melanie may not agree as she doesn't like the rain, but whatevs.

I'm going to go know because I am so freakin' tired. Goodnight all.

Yours, Lauren.

(I feel I should still end Melanie's blog in the same fashion that she does.)

Too Late.

I will do a blog post tomorrow. Technically this is 34 minutes late, but we'll pretend that it's not late at all.

Sorry for the rubbish-ness of this post.

Yours, Mel. (Lauren)

LAUREN IS FREAKIN' SEXY

Yeah, it's true. I've been trying to deny my attraction to Lauren for far too long now. So, imma come out and say it. I am totally and irrevocably in love with Lauren Marie Ashley. She's just so freakin' awesome, words can't even describe it. She's never moody in the mornings and just always looks so fabulous.

But anyway on with the normal blog and I'm going to be clever and witty and spew intelligent things. Because I'm super-mega-awesome-foxy-hot.

So I'm going to do another "things I like" list, so here goes;

-Lauren
-Lauren Ashley
-Lauren Marie Ashley
-loli12@hotmail.co.uk
-_laurenashley_

That's pretty much all my life is made up of. I live for the things on that list. I mean obviously I need food to live but it's not as vital as Lauren is.

I'm going to go now because I need to leave for Portugal soon, damm, not gonna see Lauren for 17 days. How am I going to live?

I love Kate as well. Thought you ought to know!

Yours, Mel. xoxo

Paranoid (BEDA #13)

That Lauren'll forget to blog for me. She better. I love you guys. Have fun tomorrow. Tell Alex I love him and stuffs. GIVE HIM MY NUMBER I DON'T MIND COUGH COUGH.

Leaving for Portugal soon. Erugh. I hate life.

Yours,

Mel.

Packing and tidying (BEDA #12)

Hey, y'all? How's it hangin'? Well? Yeah I hoped so. I'm actually supposed to be packing atm, but have stolen away a few moments to contribute to BEDA, because I'm a good internet citizen. I have read 40 books so far this year and cannot believe I might actually accomplish my goal of 50 books; it seems so surreal.

I feel slightly better about SOA because although I won't be able to go to the gig, I can at least let John Green know how much he means to me because Kate is giving him my letter that I finished last night. I hope he reads it despite it being three and a half pages of A4. I mean every word that I said in it. It was something along the lines of 'Thank you, why I can't come, what you've done for me,'. And my book's getting signed, so that's good too. And he'll come back to England I'm sure. Still, nervous about meeting family; if it weren't for that, I'd enjoy this holiday like I normally would.

I bought some stuff yesterday for the holiday and bought a skirt which was an investment and was only £2. £2! I love me bargains, as you know, so this was fun to buy.

I'm going to go listen to s'more Kesha now. Bye babies.

Always yours,

Mel.

APOLOGISIN (BEDA #11)

Didn't blog yesterday. I'm sorry, BEDA. I failed ye. But I was tired and my dad was like, go to bed now and usually I would've argued and asked him for a couple of minutes to at least type a sentence for BEDA. But I was sorta tired and forgot about BEDA, tbh.

Why was I tired? I walked around George Street and the street adjacent to it. I bought my uniform and then my Gran loves charity so we walked around them. All of them. And O bought a couple of t-shirts and some books, quite happy that I'd purchased some useful things and helped some people in need while I was at it. Today, I wish I could say that I would go shopping and was going to go hit some more charity shops, but I'm going to Primark to get shome cheap strappy tees that are specifically for the holiday. I'm kind of anxious with the word: holiday. I'm nervous. Nervous about meeting my family, because I don't think they'll really like me. Le sigh.

Might go to see TS3 with the gang and Ciara. Oh sheet, Ciara's not here. I feel bad for having to postpone Kate seeing the most amazing little cute film evar. Meh I'm so tired and this post is so pointlesslesslessless eugh what am i even doing what am i ...

I want to go back to bed because my dad woke me up early because he was saying something to my brother.

Screw you BEDA, I'm playing tetris now.

Always yours,

Mel.

Forgot to do this? (#BEDA 10)

Sorry, y'all.

100TH POST?! (#9 BEDA)

Hi my name is Julia Nunes and I bought this cup but I don't really need it.

Wow I feel like I should do something special for this because it's my hundredth blog post, but nothing comes to mind at the moment.

Kate is back from Ireland and that's really cool. To celebrate the fact that the four of us are all in the same place for at least some time in the summer, we're having a super chill sleepover. At Sophie's, naturally. I love those guys; I really do. They're really lame in an awesome way. I mean, we're all part of the 'I'm going out on Saturday night. Lol jk Doctor Who's on'. Those are the kind of people we are, and I wouldn't change it for the world. Really.

Soo... yesterday I started my History, and that's what matters really in life. I can finish it now I've started, amirite? Yeah, That's what I thought. Yeah, it's coming along.

My Gran just told a really not funny joke but it was so not funny that it was funny. It was in Portuguese, I can't explain it and it kind of gets lost in translation, so I'm just going to keep it to my family. Sorry y'all. I do love my Grandma. She tells me things like, "Your assertive and you won't let no man walk over you. That's good," more often than she says I look pretty. She calls me things like, "a strong young woman" and "independent young lady". It's probably why I say those two phrases so much. Also, she's the only person I joke around with things like, I'll be on the phone, and it'll clearly be a girl, but I'll say it's my boyfriend and we'll have this little joke about. I don't know quite to explain it, but I think she's awesome and we get along beautifully. My Gran's super fly.

Wrote some Samurai Champloo fanfic but I won't post it here because none of you read or watch it. I've like, two and a half episodes left of it. It's so exciting! I love the sense of accomplishment I get when I complete an anime; I feel like my old self again. Back when I was like, eleven, it was all I did and it gets me all nostalgic.

I watched a film called The Uninvited with my dad. It had Emily Browning in it and it was scary and weird but not too scary and weird, so that was good.

I think I'm going to buy the Ouran AMV so I can watch it when we're on holiday. I love Ouran. I think I'm going to force the Sophster and Lozzie to watch it because it's one of those things that you have to do, okay.

Let's do a things I like list:

- Julia Nunes's laugh.

- Finding something cute to wear at car boot sales and things.

- The way John Green speaks.

- Buying books.

- Kayley Hyde's room.

- Quirky and catchy songs like Your Love is My Drug.

- Sophie's laugh.

- Ellie Manley.

- Lauren's negativity and sarcasm.

- Kate's amazing ability to make nice cakes.

- Kate's icing.

- Ciara Greer's insane knowledge of everything.

- Molly, the dowg.

- Hayley G Hoover's eyes.

- My Gran's humour.

- When my brother decides to be cute and is funny.

- Receiving blog comments.

- Finishing a story.

- Compliments on my fanfiction.

- Girls Next Door webcomic on dA.

- Editing pictures on Photoshop.

- The way Olivia Brett's mind works.

- When I manage to get along with George like old times.

- How me and my cousin function.

- Watching people play zombie/kinda scary games.

- Jake and Amir moments where they seem slightly gay with each other.

- The people on Gullieship.

- When Stephen Fry refers to Alan Davies like he is a small child.

- Alan Davies's everything. I wish I could have dinner with him.

- The adverts at the cinema.

- When I can smell my hair.

- The cuteness of Irish and Scottish people.

- Brazilian humour (read: Felipe Neto).

- Sims 3.

- Going to London and feeling super British.

- Sunshine and then rain to balance it out.

- Bleep Bloop.

- Songs that make me smile because they're so cute.

- My herbal tea.

- Salt 'n' vinegar crisps.

- Chocolate croissants.

- Swimming.

- Reading.

- Writing.

- Surges of inspiration.

- Jake Hurwitz's laugh and smile.

- Amir Blumenfeld's glasses,

- Sarah Schneider's hair.

- The Nostalgia Chick.

- Elisabeth Scibs :)

- Finding attractive guys.

- AVPM! <3

- Darren Criss.

- Joe Walker.

- Starkid.

- Everything about Harry Potter.

And I suck at these lists. Next time, I'll make a hate list, because I'm cynical and dislike far too many things. This is why I need therapy, yo.

Always yours,

Mel.

Busy, yo (#8 BEDA)

Yeah, I need to do my History homework, so I'm going to throw a Lauren and not write anything of decent length. My news is that I'm about two or three episodes from the finale of Samurai Champloo and I don't know if I'm dragging it out due to not wanting it to end, or if it's to do with the fact that they're just fillers with random occurrences such as samurais like Jin and Mugen playing baseball with snobby Americans. In the Edo period; y'all heard me right.

Now, ONTO HOMEWORK.

Always yours,

Mel.

Official attraction list(s) (#7 BEDA)

So I've noticed I haven't been numbering the posts like I intended to, but oh well. I'll start again. I don't even care right now because I don't feel well and just want to keep listening to 'Your Love is My Drug' because even thought I dislike Ke$ha, her music is stupid and quirky and addictive. This one at least; it's more innocent than, say, 'Blah Blah Blah'. Tbh, I've been listening a lot to Julia Nunes ('jaaaaaaa' on Youtube, my favourite place ever). She's so cute and pretty and funny and deals with the haters so well and I have buckets of respect for her *points to buckets labeled 'Respect for Jaaaaaaa'*. She has a pretty great smile and she's making me feel better. Oh! And I like her vocabulary.

Let's get on with the infinitely long list, y'all:

- James McAvoy

- Vic Mignogna

- Johnny Depp

- Orlando Bloom

- Jake Hurwitz

- Amir Blumenfeld

- Pat Cassels

- Charlie McDonnell

- Alex Day

- Jackson Rathbone

- Bradley Cooper

- Matthew Grey Gubler

- Joseph Gordon-Levitt

- Robert Downey Jr

- Rupert Grint

- Alan Davies

- Russell Howard

- Sterling Knight

- Patrick Dempsey

- Eric Dane

- David Bowie

- Heath Ledger (SNIFF!)

- Matthew Lewis in the first series of Friends

- Matt Smith

- Tyson Ritter

- and I can't think of any more at the moment.

I mean, tons of fictional ones. Actually, let's list them too:

- Sirius Black

- James Potter

- Remus Lupin

- Fred and George Weasley

- Jim Hawkins (Disney's adaptation of Treasure Island, Treasure Planet)

- Marcus Flutie (Jessica Darling novels)

- Aladdin (Disney)

- Prince Naveen (The Princess and the Frog)

- Ikuto Tsukiyomi (Shugo Chara)

- Kukai Souma (Shugo Chara)

- Hatori Sohma (Fruits Basket)

- Ayame Sohma (Fruits Basket)

- Shigure Sohma (Fruits Basket)

- Yuki Sohma (Fruits Basket)

- InuYasha (InuYasha)

- Tasuku Kurosaki (Dengeki Daisy)

- Mugen (Samurai Champloo)

- Tamaki Suou (Ouran High School Host CLub)

- Kyouya Ootori (^)

- Alto Saotome (Macross Frontier)

- Denmark (from a webseries)

- Niels (from the same webseries)

- The Doctor (especially 11th)

- Fujimoto (Kobato)

Buut, I admire female actresses and things, and here are the following females people, real or not, who I like a whole lot:

- Zooey Deschanel

- Natalie Portman

- Emma Watson

- Sarah Schneider

- Karen Gillan

- Hayley G. Hoover

- Lex

- Kristina Horner

- Haykey Williams

- J.K. Rowling

- Sarah Dessen

- Megan McCafferty

- Kayley Hyde

- Hermione Granger

- Lauren Lopez (Draco Malfoy from AVPM)

Meh stomach ache. I think I'll do some more lists in future posts, but more now, I link you to my favourite covers by Julia Nunes:

> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVbWZw88g9k

> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEzpIAdsur8&feature=channel

> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HeP1Klmk0ng&feature=related

Go sub her!

Always yours,

Mel.

BLOG MAKEOVER, YO. (#6 BEDA)

So, y'all. It's time for another makeover, and the header you see above you took me quite some time because I don't feel so hot right now, probably because of the post-sleepover hangover and the fact my period has just come combined. Wow, that was a beautiful way to start a blog post. Oh, and by the hangover, I don't mean that I drink, because, really, look at the pictures above in the header; do I look like the kind of girl that drinks? Really? What I mean is how I always look like such a tramp after a sleepover; it's not fair. It almost puts me off going round completely, except, I always laugh to the point where my cheeks hurt, my stomach aches and I need to pee; something only the friends I have now have allowed me to experience.

I think you can guess yesterday was pretty fun, just because I love Lauren, Ellie and Sophie so much. Kate was not there, due to being in Ireland. I wish I was going to Ireland rather than going to Portugal; I've never been! And I like the UK, because we're such a cute country in my opinion.

My legs hurt so much it's completely obscene.

I am reading chapter 81 of Ouran, and I am very happy. Finally. I don't want to spoil Kate in case she reads it, but it's good, yo. IT'S GOOD. Unfortunately, too much writing about things that are irrelevant. Note to Hatori Bisco: make your characters talk less; it's tiresome to read.

I've just re-watched Penelope. I like James McAvoy and am adding him to my list of 'People who if they were to ask me out I could since I own them,'. I need to tweak my list a bit, tbh, because my first one was done during my Twilight phase and... that's enough said.

Going to shower soon, so I'mma start to wrap things up. Let's end with a list of celebrities/slightly famous people I'm attracted to! Leave yours in the comments (or a summary if it's really long); it's not in order though:

- James McAvoy

- Vic Mignogna

- Johnny Depp

- Orlando Bloom

- Jake Hurwitz

- Amir Blumenfeld

- Pat Cassels

- Charlie McDonnell

- Alex Day

- Jackson Rathbone

- Bradley Cooper

- Matthew Grey Gubler

- Joseph Gordon-Levitt

I'll continue in the next blog post. Because it's kind of late now and I need to go.

Always yours,

Mel.

Tiiiiiiiiiiired and blehhhhhh (BEDA #5).

Oh, hey blog. I'm tired. I just went for a run, you see. Yes, a run. And I went by myself, just me and my iPod. I didn't run all the way to Ovingdean, because I walked for a bit, but I guess you could say I didn't stop, because I didn't. Even when I needed to cross roads, I would jog on the stop like a cool kid.

What I can say about it is that I had the most delicious shower afterwards. I got home all sweaty and my legs felt like lead. I looked in my mirror and my face was a tell tale sign that I had just done more exercise than I should have, considering how unfit I am. Oh well, it felt nice to wash the sweat away. I'm not sure I'll run again any time soon. I didn't really enjoy it, and I'm sure the cookie dough ice cream I just downed just cancelled out any weight I may have lost. I hope my legs will tone up a little bit, at least.

Hmmm... I'm going to Sophie's house today. I am going to sleepover. But, will probably not do a lot of sleeping, thanks to Lauren. Lauren likes to stay awake at the night times and keep everyone else from sleeping, but then she doesn't appreciate being waken up any time before one o'clock in the afternoon. That's how Lauren works on sleepovers. It's MUCH fun.

Yesterday I watched The Princess and The Frog at Ellie's house. Now that was a good film; really classic Disney, and really cute. The prince was arrogant, conceited and somehow charming at the same time. I think I would have fallen for him big time if I met him in real life. But by far my favourite character was Lotte; she was just so Southern and funny and cute. Still, nothing can beat Aladdin's character design *has an on-going crush on Aladdin because a) he's not innocent, b) he can sing, c) he's misunderstood, d) he's just freaking hot*.

This is not going to be another post about me whining on and on about not being able to go to SOA, because Sophie isn't going and that makes me feel slightly better in the sense that I won't be completely left out. Plus, I dunno, I feel I can get some work done in Portugal and stuff; plus the weather'll be nice, there'll be sandy beaches, I can read and get tanned, and the food is so good. The downside being a) two weeks with my family and b) meeting family I don't care about because I've never met them, and whom won't like me once they meet me, FACT.

Erm, I shall need to go get ready soon, after a long day of not doing much. I am still reading Danny Wallace; it's slow going, yet enjoyable.

Hmmmmmmmmm... I think I shall start writing blogs with topics again, not just ones about my slow going yet sometimes enjoyable life.

Let's see:

- I'm starting fencing soon, in Peacehaven. Same teacher as Kate, so he'll be good I suppose. I guess you could say I was inspired by Elisabeth; I've always wanted to do it, but I never got off my sorry arse and looked for teachers in my territory.

- I want to start playing the trumpet again. I got to Grade 1, haha, and then quit because it became an inconvenience. But I miss having an extracurricular, not that having one was ever really that dominating in my life. Still, I should get one! Spend less time on the internet, yo!

- I'm going to try to install Sony Vegas on the laptop so that I can edit and vlog about Portugal, to give me something to do. Not, VEDA, no. I don't think I could ever succeed in VEDA. Ever. I take too long to edit.

I should probably get off the PC and go now.

Always yours,

Mel.

(BEDA #4).

God I don't like my hair. I mean, I like my hair, but I dislike my new fringe. It's so... 'goody-two-shoes'. I look as innocent as it is; and I don't want to like a preppy school girl, again. I hate how cutesy I look with this new hair. Not that I was bad-ass and edgy as it is, because I went to the library yesterday and picked up reservations. No-one bad-ass reserves books at the library. Think about it: would Dirty Harry amidst whatever he does, stop to go pick the Sarah Dessen book he ordered? No, no he wouldn't.

Yeah, I completed most of my plans from yesterday, except for the whole, er, homework part. That was expected, though. Was I really going to get started on my Frankenstein essay after picking up books. Plus, I had little left of Centre of My World, which I did finish. The book was good, but I liked the end a lot. I started reading Awkward Situations for Men by Danny Wallace (not to be confused with Daniel Wallace).

I should really go upstairs and check my phone to see what time me, Lauren, Ellie and possibly Sophie are going bowling. I haven't been bowling in a while, and I'm sort of excited, except once I think about it, bowling is kind of boring. And I'll get hungry, and food in there is expensive. Eurgh, I just can't win.

I read Kick Ass yesterday, and liked it a little bit. I want to read the next in the series, so that should be a good sign. It's a bit gruesome and weird, but I like it.

What else...

I threw another tantrum about SOA (Sons of Admiral), and ignored my mother for the whole day. It pretty much backfired at the end of the day where I let her hug me goodnight, but I made sure she still knows I'm freaking pissed about this holiday. She doesn't seem to understand that no matter what she does now, the holiday is still going to suck, just because I missed SOA. It's just not going to be worth it because I missed an amazing gig and the chance to meet an amazing author. Plus he's launching his new book, and that sucks. I hate everything.

I cried a lot too; I couldn't imagine my body having that much water in it for starters, but I couldn't think of not crying. I leaned my head against my door and sat there and cried for a good hour straight. An ugly, ungraceful, loud type of weeping. I screamed some more at my mother and she seemed a bit more upset about it. My brother felt sorry for me and asked my parents again if there was no way of rescheduling, but I knew there isn't.

I still kind of can't believe that I can't go. That it's a memory I won't share with my friends, and I arranged it all and found out about it. It's not fair and I feel like crying again.

I'm bored now.

Always yours,

Mel.

(BEDA #3).

Okay, so I know I should really blog at the end of the day, because that's when I've lived through the day and therefore have things to type, but I'm not going to do that. I consider these daily posts to be something I need to get out of the way. Plus, I'm scared I'll forget and then FAIL.

Let's see. Today I plan to 1) get some homework done, 2) have a haircut, 3) go to the library to pick up my books.

My mother has just announced that I have five minutes before we go, so I'm going to type AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT.

Basically, today is going to be a laidback day. Perhaps I'll come back to this when I've come home and let you know how much I hate my new hair, because I'm going to. It's inevitable. I always, always dislike my haircuts; probably because I rarely have them, and therefore it feels weird to suddenly have an aspect of me change. Plus I have to brush my hair for them, and I hate brushing my hair because it always looks weird and greasy when brushed. It didn't used to before, but now it does. Annoying.

I'm at about 33/50, methinks. I'm reading quite a large book atm, so it'll take a couple more days. Annoying because Big Fish by Daniel Wallace (not to be mistaken by Danny Wallace) is staring at me in all its 'OH-TIM-BURTON-MADE-ME-A-FILM' and small glory. I shall resist and finish Centre of My World by Someone German.

Stupid brother has just come over and reminded me my five minutes are up. Now he's gone up the stairs? WTF. What is his problem? This has nothing to do with him. Stupid boy.

Ermmmmmmm... I might get a block fringe. I don't know. I don't know if I want one.

I'll let you know how it goes, lovely.

Always yours,

Mel.

Day two, and regretting things (BEDA #2).

Beginning to regret BEDA, I am. I mean, how am I going to keep up during my vacation in Portugal, Spain and a wee bit of France. I say vacation, but I am not that excited to go. The thing I'm most excited about is shopping for pretty dresses to go on holiday with, and lots of shorts. I like shorts.

Today I am going to Lauren's house and we are going to do stuff. I assume Sophie is coming too, and that she will join in in the stuff doing. I also think think think that I shall play with Lauren's god, Nala, because I love her. I was referring to Lauren's dog, but I think it goes without saying that I love Lauren too.

But, let's get back on track. Since I haven't been blogging, I've been saving certain things that I want to share with the inter-webs, one of them being that I went to therapy. Yes, therapy.

I've noticed how I get severely depressed and lonely at random times for random reasons for some time. For some time I've also requested from my mother a therapist so I can talk about these moments of tremendous angst to see a) why I have them, and b) what can I do to distract myself from them, or something. Upon announcing to me that we were going on holiday, the date stated was the 13th of August, the day before the Sons of Admiral gig in London, in which John Green would also make an appearance to sign books and such things. I, looking forward to this day for weeks, was crushed to discover I could not go. I threw a tantrum. I screamed bloody murder at my parents, swore, got sent to my room where I promptly resumed my ritual of closing the door behind me and sliding down the wood, where I cried. A lot.

Later that night I vented to my mum about all the troubles and stress I felt I was going under. I genuinely felt that I was suffocating under all this teenage hormones, and I couldn't stop crying. Then my mother started crying, making me cry harder and she told me she was sorry she caused all this disappointment, and that she would try to find a therapist for me soon.

I did go. I went on a Saturday, and it helped. I feel better. I've got another session on the day before my holiday, so you can imagine I'll have a lot to be sad about! No, srsly, I don't know what I'm going to say because I already feel so much better.

My therapist is called Christian, and he's a man in his late thirties, I'd say. He wears sandals and his office had a very zen feel about it. The receptionist wore no shoes. I waited for a little bit before Christian called me up the stairs and then sat me down. I fiddled with my shorts and didn't know where to look. He looked up from his paper pad after asking my name, age, etc, and asked me, "How can I help?"

I was taken aback. How could he help? What did I need? I didn't know. I was here because he was supposed to know. But I told him, I sometimes feel lonely and sad, for no reason. And then I feel fine, but most of the time I can't wait to get home from school and I'll always tired and I am just sick of everthing.

And then he asked something even more patronising; he said, "Why do you feel lonely?" And I think that was around the point where I started crying and said, "I don't know,". I don't know. I just, I wish I was like every other teenager out there and didn't need therapy. I wish I could open up completely to my close friends, but I can't. I'm a closed person who can't get close with other people easily. I'm scared to get amnesia and forget everything because I've worked so hard to have the friends I have; I've pushed my shyness, and it's not something does with facility.

But we talked about the future, and how I worry and things. It was refreshing and got a lot of things off my chest. He gave me a tiny pill that I think has worked, but tasted like sugar, so I have my doubts, tbh.

Maybe I never needed therapy? Maybe I just needed to open up that one time and I would've felt better? I've down exercise since then, and I've gone out every day since, really, even if it's like, to go to the library. I dunno; I'm glad I went, but at the same time, I wonder if I was just exaggerating my sadness.

I need to leave soon,

Always yours,

Mel.