Is that dust?

Oh sheesh y'all. I'm sorry blog. I missed you too; c'mon, c'mon, don't turn away from me. Come here. No, blog... come here... c'mon... I have a post for you! Aha! There you go. Of course mummy still loves you, don't be silly. But I just needed some time to write a book. You know, that Nanowrimo thing I told you about? Yes.

No but seriously, I started like, three days behind and I still finished on time. I am a God. Not really, no. I mean, the book ending was a bit thrown together into a huge, tangled mess because I was in such a hurry, but the middle bit isn't too bad. I mean I know ultimately I don't have enough life experience to write a decent Young Adult Novel; even Maureen Johnson says that you need to live through it to write it. I haven't even fallen in love yet, so it's a wonder I can actually write about that, tbh.

Oops, sorry, just abandoned you again to read the new chapter of Hana to Akuma. I keep making, 'Gah' noises and pulling a silly face; I sound vaguely like a duck. Sorry, a habit had developed and seeped through into my writing of adding unnecessary details since Wrimo (like how it's already abbreviated but I abbreviate it more? That's life on the streets that is).

It's currently snowing fucking bucketloads here and I have NO SCHOOL. No, really; it never really snows here, or, up to last year it didn't, but climate change is... changing that (I want to be a writer). The snow is at least like, a palm deep if that makes sense. And I have to go out, eurgh. It looks pretty, but honestly? It's cold, will get me wet and with the amount of layers I'll have to put on, it's barely worth it. I know I have the mentality of a sour, middle aged person.

Right now, with Wrimo gone, I plan on going ever so more on Tumblr and writing AS MANY FANFICS AS POSSIBLE. I missed fanfiction a lot; I read some Scabior/Hermione because their relationship is just really kinky and addictive and intoxicating. I will also probably play more Smash Brothers Brawl, because I love that game. Who do I play with might you ask? Why, Pit of course! And Link so far, but as much as I have a crush on Link, I'm finding myself not defeating enemies too successfully with him. And Pit is cute too. Ooh I still have a Frankenstein essay too; shite. And some Mock Exams coming up. And a German exam on Friday, should the town be functioning properly by tomorrow. I have therapy tomorrow as well, but I doubt neither I or my therapist shall be able to commute to The Dolphin House Clinic in time, because of all the snow. It's like, six or seven centimetres out there, it's reddic.

*

That was written a couple of days ago. It is now the seventh of December and I'm blogging after dinner even though I'm not supposed to be on the PC.

I just finished some J/A fanfiction and I should really be revising for Science and Maths mock exams, but I can't be arsed. I definitely will before bed, I mean, but still. Lazy, I am. Yet I write like, a three thousand word story instead. Go figure; priorities, hey.

Went to the doctor's today regarding the removal of my wisdom teeth next week; I didn't realise how serious it was until then. I mean, amongst other surgeries, it's like a guppie, but still, I have to like, not eat and stuff. I don't know. I was fascinated by how casually the surgeon sauntered into the room like she hadn't just been potentially saving someone's life; I mean, she was definitely changing someone's life in some way, and that's something you're allowed to brag about. I would have. Also, she was kind of small and her hands were perfectly and delicately shaped; yet she had this air of authority, of strength about her. Like she knew what she was doing with her life.

I also just finished this gorgeous book called The Book Thief. Go read it. It's brilliant and perfectly written. It's in my top five favourite books; the style is interesting and the characters are flawed but wonderful. I can't gush about it enough.

I'll leave you with an excerpt of my Serendipity:

---

"I'm bored," Joey stated abruptly and she stood up. She took both Taylor's and Matt's hand to drag them towards the sea. The refused so she looked around the group for approval of her idea; Abigail, being the adorable button that she was accepted just because she didn't want conflict, and James also got up to join them. He looked back at Erin encouragingly and she without hesitating ran down towards the water.

Joey pulled Abigail straight into a wave which got them soaked, while James looked reluctantly at Erin who grinned flirtatiously and used both of her hands to pull him into the sea with her. Erin was surprised that the water was the warm as it licked its way up her dress, and before she knew it, she was pretty much drenched up to the tips of hair in her ponytail. It just felt so nice.

James however didn't really join in and Erin felt bad with him just sitting on the sand all by himself, so she walked out of the water and went to join him.

"You alright?" she asked him, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. She realised the flaw in her plan of wearing a white an butter yellow striped dress and going to play in the water; hooray for transparency.

"I'm good," he nodded towards the empty space next to her and she slumped down next to him. "How is Oz treating you?"

"Ah, it seems impossible but it's exactly the same as I remember it," she said warmly. "It's like I never left."

"And Abbie said you're staying for a year? How come?"

"If I'm being honest," she sighed; it was kind of exhausting, explaining what her purpose here was, since there wasn't one sole reason. "It just got a bit, hectic at home, with my parents nearly divorcing and all," she stopped to sneak a look at him; he was looking at her pretty intensely and it made her lose her train of thought for a short moment. "And that kind of led to me breaking up with my lovely boyfriend and I was just a bit lost; I love this place, and I though it'd be a good place to *find* myself, so to speak. Plus the wedding anniversary party and shtuff. Lots of reasons, as you can tell."

"Yeah my parents are divorced too," he sympathised. "And it does kind of mess things up thoroughly. Luckily mine were pretty civil about it but I don't think my mum's really forgiven my dad for the whole affair."

"That's kind of the situation too," Erin nodded. "But if I'm being honest I doubt my dad really cheated. My parents have been disgustingly in love since they were like, fifteen. It took them like eight years to properly get together and my dad's not the kind of person who'd throw that all away. I reckon my mum just needed a little bit of Australia too."

James grinned, "That's understandable."

"Guys!" Joey screamed. "What's the time?"

"Chico Time!" James bellowed back. And Joey asked him to answer "seriously", but Erin just raised an eyebrow at him sceptically; she hadn't known that 'Chico Time' had managed to break through into Australia. He proudly held his chin high and said, "Yeah, I know about Chico Time."

Erin giggled and shook her head; she took James's hand and took a look at his watch.

"Eleven o'clock!" she shouted, which made Joey scream 'Shoot!' and fall over, bringing Abigail down with her, the two of them screeching in harmony. Joey hauled herself up and staggered out of the water.

"I've gotta go, but it was nice to see you again," she told Erin and gave her a quick hug. "We should hang out again soon."

"Sure, I'd like that," she said warmly as they pulled away.

"I should probably go too," Erin lamented. As she stood up, James extended a hand which she took and pulled to help him up. She laughed nervously as this made they bodies be too close for two people who just met.

When she got to the campfire Ethan was dusting off the sand of his shorts. She felt kind of guilty for leaving him since he was the one that invited her, but his smile took it anyway.

"Shall we go?" Erin beamed at Ethan. He looked vaguely taken aback by her sudden change in how warmly she was addressing him, but shook his head.

“I’ve got the day off tomorrow so I’m going to catch some waves, because I can,” he nodded towards the abandoned surfboard that somehow she had not noticed. Maybe she was too busy trying to hit on James without being too obvious (and failed, dear reader, might I add).

"Oh," she replied, "I'll keep you company, then. I don't actually know how to get home."

"I can walk you home now if you like," he offered, and his eyes betrayed the sincerity of his words. She could quite clearly tell that it was something he had looked to forward to; he had, after all, worked all day in that shop, putting up with Auntie Molly talking about her and assisting to the customers who were mostly middle-aged to elderly woman who bought random flowers but were really there just to chat with Molly, with the occasional man who seemed to be buying a bouquet for his significant other. God knows how long he must have worked there for since she got there around nine and he had just arrived.

"No, no, I really don't mind," she told him. "I'll wait. There's not much for me to do anyway."

He shrugged in a 'suit yourself' fashion before removing his shirt and heading towards the water. Erin made a note of how amiable his chest was after she had managed to untangle the mess that had become her thoughts. She wanted to become friends with this New Ethan, who was well-mannered and considerate, but his good looks were going to be awfully distracting; she hoped she could just find a suitable summer fling so she could get this craving for romance out of her system. She felt like this desperate, horny fourteen year old all over again; trouble was, honry, desperate fourteen year old Erin had Jacob to make out with and talk about how much life sucked with. Now? She had no-one, except for potentially James, whom hadn't really displayed a profound interest in her. Fantastic: she was worse off than her younger, more lamentable self. Life. Was. Fair.

Ethan, she noticed as she carefully made her way down closer to the sea, was a pretty decent surfer, not that she was one to judge. The tide was out but the waves were big enough for Erin to be impressed by his supposed skills. He swiftly turned and slid in the waves as if they were barely there and he rode out of them like it required no effort at all. Then, still standing on his board, he threw himself off it, into the water; he would then climb back on the board and sit on it until another wave came along than could be surfed. It was fairly routine, but each time he would add his own little unnecessary quick twist or would stay too long in the wave's tunnel; each time Erin would sit up a little straighter to see if he was alive. And he always was.

Love, Mel.

/things to do:

Eye is itchy. Here goes:

- Nanowrimo
- Science revision
- History revision
- French revision
- English essays
- Tidy room
- Wash and cook potatoes
- Finish reading the books I am reading atm
- Tumblr
- Youtube
- Blogspot
- Nanowrimo.

Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife.

Going to get to those potatoes then guys,

Love ya, Mel.

LaurenMarieAshleyIsAwesome.

Right so you all know Lauren right? The really awesome girl who write such good posts? Yeah well I love her so much it hurts. She is the light of my life. I love her.

And I'll never admit, that I think you look great, it's a pokémon battle, it's not a date.

Had a good day today. Had therapy on Friday; the lady had really nice eyes and was super duper nice an shtuff. Having another session the 26th of November, so w00t w00t? Nah, I don't mind. It's helping so far, but I don't think I'll need it for much longer, so that's good I suppose.

Lauren and that are coming over tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it because my house is boring as. Ellie is most definitely looking forward to it as she has not been to my house before, but still, my house is pretty shite, and she'll be disappointed. Also, Sophie can't come and that's annoying.

Taylor Swift's new album Speak Now is out and I have it on me iPod. I love it so; she's just so adorable and despite being 21, she can still write songs that I manage to relate to. Or, y'know, enjoy, since I've been single my entire life. Mostly because I can really only properly, seriously, completely relate to Enchanted, because the closest I've ever really gotten to love is that spark of chemistry of when you first meet somebody, and you want it to go somewhere (with me it never does but that's beside the point).

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go. I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home. I'll spend forever wondering if you knew, it was enchanting to meet you.

Erm, booked tickets for Harry Potter today and it was super awkward because we had to book ten tickets and it was kind a bit of a hassle for the guy who didn't have much experience booking things in advance and stuff. But we got them! Gah, 16 days! Need to start re-reading.

Story time! This one is a snippet of the parents from my Nanowrimo story. Mother is slightly based on me but she's more shy and has always been kind of content with loneliness. Here goes:

CONOR surpressed his surprise as Beth twined their fingers together suddenly but slowly. He knew this independent display of affection, and public no less, was a big step, and he didn't want to make a fuss in case she changed her mind. Instead, he gives her an appreciative squeeze whic, out of the corner of his eye, makes her smile sheepishly. This is a big step, he thinks, this is good.

They stand there in the rain for a while after getting off the bus, just smiling at each other, but behind the forced calm smile, Conor is faced once again with the almost uncontrollable urge to kiss her. Inexplicably, she reaches out her hand and strokes his face briefly before putting it back down again. Conor just stand there frozen, wondering what has come over her and catches her wrist, looking down at her questionably. She gives him a kittenish grin before sauntering into the building; she stops at the end, by the lift and Conor stays there, in the rain, watching her graceful moves as she presses the button and pulls her hair out from underneath her stripy maroon and navy blue scarf.

Conor can't help but stand there, rooted to the spot, mesmerised. He is taken back to the golden Autumn afternoon where he experienced that epiphany, revealing to his that Bethany Longhurst was the prettiest girl he had ever seen. Each one of her blinks and each breath she takes makes him want to thank God, or whoever it is up there that was responsible, for making her be born on that 14th of May*; it makes him feel... lucky. Just, happy inside, really. He loves her, but he just wishes he could show her.

Beth looks at him and smiles invitingly as she nods towards the elevator, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Conor tries to breathe normally.

If he didn't know any better, he'd think she was flirting with him.

Love, Mel.

*Yeah, you're welcome.

Grouchy.

So yes, not the happiest bunny. Ciara says that my blog is not as good as Lauren's because I post things that I work hard on to bring out of my head and want to share with the world and whatever. It's not fanfiction, okay? It's not. I make it myself. Not that I don't make fanfiction myself, but you know what I mean.

Also, I went to shower and left Tumblr open and I have 26 updates to view, which is red-donkey-lips. I loe Tumblr though. It is so internet-y and awesome.

In my life, since Ciara seems to care, I have... gained a Tumblr, obvs.

Started yoga with George's mother. It's free and I enjoy it because I hate intense workouts and so it's perfect for me. Also, it elongates my spine thus improving my posture and making me taller. Take that, world.

Started Year 11. Which, I can't deny, has been both good and bad. I seem to be under a lot of more stress, but apart from that, I like it. Mostly because I like school. Ooh, and also I have a slight crush on Nick in my History class who I never noticed was quite so pleasant. He says my name and I get all suffocated inside, but in a good way, if that makes sense. He also talks to me when he doesn't have to, because he's kind of popular, but he does anyway. Plus I'm a sucker for smart boys, and he's clearly not stupid. Oh, and he's tall. Pity he smokes; it is the only reason why I know that if he asked me out -- which he will never, but still -- I wouldn't accept. I know I'd just be thinking about how many minutes of his life it was taking off and such. The grammar in this paragraph as been awful; this is what boys do to me I suppose.

Gotten more into films? I don't know. I think I'm just trying to add things in so Ciara actually reads this.

Become thoroughly addicted to fruit tea. Or mostly just strawberry and mango tea with about three sugars. I have a problem with sugar; it is not possible to have too much.

Ooh, and welcome back Elisabeth. Thank you for the lovely comment :)

MORE STORY TO DO WITH JOANNA BECAUSE SHE'S COOL AND I LIKE HER WITH NICK (GUESS WHO HE WAS NAMED AFTARRRRR?).

JOANNA slides forward, entranced by how intensely Nick is looking at her. No-one has ever looked at her in a such a way.

"I just..." he paused, never breaking his fierce stare from her lips, eyes, nose and cheeks. He is looking at all of her at once, it feels like, "I just don't want to waste time anymore."

'What's the rush?' Joanna wants to ask, but she loses control when Nick slowly lifts his hand to meet her cheek. Every cell in her body shudders but the way he is looking at her and cradling her face so gently, like she's the most precious thing in the world, makes her wonder if he is seeing her the way she sees herself.

"Well then stop wasting it," Joanna says as clearly as she can, but it still comes out a whisper; she tilts her head forwards and kisses him.

Nick is not shocked when she pulls away, or at least, doesn't seem so. Instead, he wears the same slightly amused, slightly frustrated expression from all those years ago when Joanna would beat him at, or to, something; and the exact infantile thrill jiggles her spine. Bravely, Joanna presses her forehead against Nick's and waits.

"Well go on then," she hisses impatiently, as she grew more and more embarrassed. Never has she had to take a boy step-by-step on how to kiss her. Each one had more or less assumed how to do it.

Nick hums lightly before pushing against her forehead. He smirks as Joanna unwilling takes a sharp intake of breath.

"I think I'll tease you for a bit first, shall I?" Nick says calmly. Joanna had never realised what seduction truly was, or how powerful it could be, until this very moment. "So sit very still."

Nick laughs breathlessly as Joanna mutters curse words under her breath; she obliges anyway and closes her eyes, waiting.

She can feel Nick's confidence collapse though she cannot see him. He has not really kissed a girl before, and she knows this. To be perfectly honest, it feels like this is her first kiss too, with how her palms are sweating and throbbing in time with her tittering heart. She wants him to on with it but at the same time she wants to slow down because feeling this way is novelty.

Joanna is about to open her eyes when she feels Nick's mouth fall on hers and the surge of emotions she feels makes her freeze. At first. Though it takes her time to react, when she pulls away she finds herself tangled in his legs, her hands threaded in his hair. His too are woven in hers, the other gently caresses the waistband of her jeans.

The stare at each other and breathe heavily, neither knowing what to do. It's kind of scary, how thick the air seems. Joanna has never felt this gratitude for someone else being alive, this dependency on an existence, and it's both exciting and frightening.

"That was..." she begins, clearing her throat but Nick just leans down and kisses her again, more forcefully this time. Joanna shuts her eyes and feels her mind cloud. Something hazily tells her that if she pulls Nick closer then it will feel even better, as if that's possible.

So Joanna snakes her arms around Nick's neck and tugs until there isn't an inch between their bodies. Eventually, Nick comes up for air and Joanna wonders how on earth they managed to lie down without her realising. He was about to kiss her again when Joanna swiftly places her hand between them.

"W-wait!" she says desperately and Nick sits up. His eyes are glazed over and his lups have the same colour lipstick Joanna is wearing smudged across them. Her lips feel bruised and tingly; suddenly that half a glass of wine seems too much her to handle. "Let's slow down, shall we?"

"What if I don't want to?" The in look his eyes was playfully threatening. Joanna slaps his arm.

The both start laughing because they know Nick borrowed the line from some form of teenage romance novel, movie or whatever; it's not NickandJoanna at all. Deep down, neither one expects much from the relationship because both are wise enough to that only feelings last forever. They would eventually break up due to obstacles that would arise, but Joanna would always be the one to introduce this kind of love into Nick's life, and vice versa; and that mutual gratefulness between they would never fade.

Joanna runs her right hand through his wavy locks and smiles as Nick closes his eyes briefly at her touch.

"I understand," he says softly and kisses her palm. "Can we still cuddle?"

Joanna gigglesa nd dives into his open arms to which he responds enthusiastically by clasping her tightly and falling back on the bed. She leans up and kisses his nose before burying her face in his torso.

No, she thinks, this will never die.

*

Blurring.

Joanna twirls in the empty wind and watches the school bus drive past. She does not care today, because today is the anniversary. She has ever since promised to do something with her life, and that included not going to school; she knows Alice will text her, demanding where she was, but she will call her on first break to let her know.

Joanna breaks into a sprint and passes a boy with hazel-brown hair and a red scarf. On another day, she might have stopped and spoken to him, and maybe he may even turn out to be the man she married; but today she is letting go of teenage worries and indulging in the childlike elation of running until you can't breathe, think, love, like, hate or care. The world was a flowing mess in her periphery and the sky was so blue, the clouds so white.

Joanna throws herself over the railing; the crumbling, rusty, red railing. She only stops to briefly check her hands had not been cut; they were pink, much like her cheeks, but they aren't wounded, so she carried on running. The grass swished and there was a plump man in a tractor-like thing driving over it, mowing it, but Joanna barely stops to notice him in his navy blue hat.

Joanna starts to cry and the tears burn their way down her face, into the air. She stops in front of the cliffs and fell to her knees. Her white blonde her slides in her face like a curtain, bouncing. The sea is sparkling and bright; Joanna feels like she should go swimming in it, but she's still sane enough to understand how harsh and cold it will be.

Joanna wipes away her tears and beams into to breezes as it tickles her neck. She holds out her arms, imagining what it would be like to fly, to soar, to travel among the birds. Joanna has missed missing this.

Joanna sits crossed legs in the soft grass and closes her eyes. She is happy.

This is what it is like, she can't help decide. Maybe she should skip school more often, she decides with a bitter laugh.

Joanna whips out her phone and presses 'one'. She calls it and leaves a message.

"I think I've finally found what you wanted," she says to no-one, "I just wish you were here to see it, sweetheart."

Joanna is faintly aware of the cawing of the seagulls when she sadly smiles into her mobile, presses him closely to her.

"I miss you everyday," she whispers, because it's an exciting treasure that only her and the glowing sun will ever know, "The world is so beautiful, now, Nick. Everything is so brilliant."

"See you later."

Joanna hangs up and sprawls out on her grass bed; the individual blades gently brush her skin comfortingly. Joanna presses one grateful palm against it, feeling the warm soil.

Joanna knew how to do something Nick never would; that was sad, but old habits die hard, and she was pleased as usual to beat him at something.

Living.

WHYYY WHY WHYY WHYYY

Jesus fucking Christ I really don't understand the obsession of wanting me to blog so badly. You're my friends -- you're in my life, and you know what goes on inside my twisted fucking mind. That's a lie; it's too messed up up there and you guys are way too innocent (particularly Krysia).

Let's see, erm, I have been writing fanfiction and it's nice and lovely, but going nowhere. I like to write it anyway because GCSE pressure makes me feel like I'm losing the person I was. Also, I'm trying to get more into anime, again; yes, you may have guessed, to get in touch with my younger, skinnier, more upbeat and happier self. Can you tell I'm in a pissy mood? Oh dear.

Erm, yeah I need to go watch Grey's now because I was not allowed last night.