LaurenMarieAshleyIsAwesome.

Right so you all know Lauren right? The really awesome girl who write such good posts? Yeah well I love her so much it hurts. She is the light of my life. I love her.

And I'll never admit, that I think you look great, it's a pokémon battle, it's not a date.

Had a good day today. Had therapy on Friday; the lady had really nice eyes and was super duper nice an shtuff. Having another session the 26th of November, so w00t w00t? Nah, I don't mind. It's helping so far, but I don't think I'll need it for much longer, so that's good I suppose.

Lauren and that are coming over tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it because my house is boring as. Ellie is most definitely looking forward to it as she has not been to my house before, but still, my house is pretty shite, and she'll be disappointed. Also, Sophie can't come and that's annoying.

Taylor Swift's new album Speak Now is out and I have it on me iPod. I love it so; she's just so adorable and despite being 21, she can still write songs that I manage to relate to. Or, y'know, enjoy, since I've been single my entire life. Mostly because I can really only properly, seriously, completely relate to Enchanted, because the closest I've ever really gotten to love is that spark of chemistry of when you first meet somebody, and you want it to go somewhere (with me it never does but that's beside the point).

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go. I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home. I'll spend forever wondering if you knew, it was enchanting to meet you.

Erm, booked tickets for Harry Potter today and it was super awkward because we had to book ten tickets and it was kind a bit of a hassle for the guy who didn't have much experience booking things in advance and stuff. But we got them! Gah, 16 days! Need to start re-reading.

Story time! This one is a snippet of the parents from my Nanowrimo story. Mother is slightly based on me but she's more shy and has always been kind of content with loneliness. Here goes:

CONOR surpressed his surprise as Beth twined their fingers together suddenly but slowly. He knew this independent display of affection, and public no less, was a big step, and he didn't want to make a fuss in case she changed her mind. Instead, he gives her an appreciative squeeze whic, out of the corner of his eye, makes her smile sheepishly. This is a big step, he thinks, this is good.

They stand there in the rain for a while after getting off the bus, just smiling at each other, but behind the forced calm smile, Conor is faced once again with the almost uncontrollable urge to kiss her. Inexplicably, she reaches out her hand and strokes his face briefly before putting it back down again. Conor just stand there frozen, wondering what has come over her and catches her wrist, looking down at her questionably. She gives him a kittenish grin before sauntering into the building; she stops at the end, by the lift and Conor stays there, in the rain, watching her graceful moves as she presses the button and pulls her hair out from underneath her stripy maroon and navy blue scarf.

Conor can't help but stand there, rooted to the spot, mesmerised. He is taken back to the golden Autumn afternoon where he experienced that epiphany, revealing to his that Bethany Longhurst was the prettiest girl he had ever seen. Each one of her blinks and each breath she takes makes him want to thank God, or whoever it is up there that was responsible, for making her be born on that 14th of May*; it makes him feel... lucky. Just, happy inside, really. He loves her, but he just wishes he could show her.

Beth looks at him and smiles invitingly as she nods towards the elevator, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Conor tries to breathe normally.

If he didn't know any better, he'd think she was flirting with him.

Love, Mel.

*Yeah, you're welcome.

Grouchy.

So yes, not the happiest bunny. Ciara says that my blog is not as good as Lauren's because I post things that I work hard on to bring out of my head and want to share with the world and whatever. It's not fanfiction, okay? It's not. I make it myself. Not that I don't make fanfiction myself, but you know what I mean.

Also, I went to shower and left Tumblr open and I have 26 updates to view, which is red-donkey-lips. I loe Tumblr though. It is so internet-y and awesome.

In my life, since Ciara seems to care, I have... gained a Tumblr, obvs.

Started yoga with George's mother. It's free and I enjoy it because I hate intense workouts and so it's perfect for me. Also, it elongates my spine thus improving my posture and making me taller. Take that, world.

Started Year 11. Which, I can't deny, has been both good and bad. I seem to be under a lot of more stress, but apart from that, I like it. Mostly because I like school. Ooh, and also I have a slight crush on Nick in my History class who I never noticed was quite so pleasant. He says my name and I get all suffocated inside, but in a good way, if that makes sense. He also talks to me when he doesn't have to, because he's kind of popular, but he does anyway. Plus I'm a sucker for smart boys, and he's clearly not stupid. Oh, and he's tall. Pity he smokes; it is the only reason why I know that if he asked me out -- which he will never, but still -- I wouldn't accept. I know I'd just be thinking about how many minutes of his life it was taking off and such. The grammar in this paragraph as been awful; this is what boys do to me I suppose.

Gotten more into films? I don't know. I think I'm just trying to add things in so Ciara actually reads this.

Become thoroughly addicted to fruit tea. Or mostly just strawberry and mango tea with about three sugars. I have a problem with sugar; it is not possible to have too much.

Ooh, and welcome back Elisabeth. Thank you for the lovely comment :)

MORE STORY TO DO WITH JOANNA BECAUSE SHE'S COOL AND I LIKE HER WITH NICK (GUESS WHO HE WAS NAMED AFTARRRRR?).

JOANNA slides forward, entranced by how intensely Nick is looking at her. No-one has ever looked at her in a such a way.

"I just..." he paused, never breaking his fierce stare from her lips, eyes, nose and cheeks. He is looking at all of her at once, it feels like, "I just don't want to waste time anymore."

'What's the rush?' Joanna wants to ask, but she loses control when Nick slowly lifts his hand to meet her cheek. Every cell in her body shudders but the way he is looking at her and cradling her face so gently, like she's the most precious thing in the world, makes her wonder if he is seeing her the way she sees herself.

"Well then stop wasting it," Joanna says as clearly as she can, but it still comes out a whisper; she tilts her head forwards and kisses him.

Nick is not shocked when she pulls away, or at least, doesn't seem so. Instead, he wears the same slightly amused, slightly frustrated expression from all those years ago when Joanna would beat him at, or to, something; and the exact infantile thrill jiggles her spine. Bravely, Joanna presses her forehead against Nick's and waits.

"Well go on then," she hisses impatiently, as she grew more and more embarrassed. Never has she had to take a boy step-by-step on how to kiss her. Each one had more or less assumed how to do it.

Nick hums lightly before pushing against her forehead. He smirks as Joanna unwilling takes a sharp intake of breath.

"I think I'll tease you for a bit first, shall I?" Nick says calmly. Joanna had never realised what seduction truly was, or how powerful it could be, until this very moment. "So sit very still."

Nick laughs breathlessly as Joanna mutters curse words under her breath; she obliges anyway and closes her eyes, waiting.

She can feel Nick's confidence collapse though she cannot see him. He has not really kissed a girl before, and she knows this. To be perfectly honest, it feels like this is her first kiss too, with how her palms are sweating and throbbing in time with her tittering heart. She wants him to on with it but at the same time she wants to slow down because feeling this way is novelty.

Joanna is about to open her eyes when she feels Nick's mouth fall on hers and the surge of emotions she feels makes her freeze. At first. Though it takes her time to react, when she pulls away she finds herself tangled in his legs, her hands threaded in his hair. His too are woven in hers, the other gently caresses the waistband of her jeans.

The stare at each other and breathe heavily, neither knowing what to do. It's kind of scary, how thick the air seems. Joanna has never felt this gratitude for someone else being alive, this dependency on an existence, and it's both exciting and frightening.

"That was..." she begins, clearing her throat but Nick just leans down and kisses her again, more forcefully this time. Joanna shuts her eyes and feels her mind cloud. Something hazily tells her that if she pulls Nick closer then it will feel even better, as if that's possible.

So Joanna snakes her arms around Nick's neck and tugs until there isn't an inch between their bodies. Eventually, Nick comes up for air and Joanna wonders how on earth they managed to lie down without her realising. He was about to kiss her again when Joanna swiftly places her hand between them.

"W-wait!" she says desperately and Nick sits up. His eyes are glazed over and his lups have the same colour lipstick Joanna is wearing smudged across them. Her lips feel bruised and tingly; suddenly that half a glass of wine seems too much her to handle. "Let's slow down, shall we?"

"What if I don't want to?" The in look his eyes was playfully threatening. Joanna slaps his arm.

The both start laughing because they know Nick borrowed the line from some form of teenage romance novel, movie or whatever; it's not NickandJoanna at all. Deep down, neither one expects much from the relationship because both are wise enough to that only feelings last forever. They would eventually break up due to obstacles that would arise, but Joanna would always be the one to introduce this kind of love into Nick's life, and vice versa; and that mutual gratefulness between they would never fade.

Joanna runs her right hand through his wavy locks and smiles as Nick closes his eyes briefly at her touch.

"I understand," he says softly and kisses her palm. "Can we still cuddle?"

Joanna gigglesa nd dives into his open arms to which he responds enthusiastically by clasping her tightly and falling back on the bed. She leans up and kisses his nose before burying her face in his torso.

No, she thinks, this will never die.

*

Blurring.

Joanna twirls in the empty wind and watches the school bus drive past. She does not care today, because today is the anniversary. She has ever since promised to do something with her life, and that included not going to school; she knows Alice will text her, demanding where she was, but she will call her on first break to let her know.

Joanna breaks into a sprint and passes a boy with hazel-brown hair and a red scarf. On another day, she might have stopped and spoken to him, and maybe he may even turn out to be the man she married; but today she is letting go of teenage worries and indulging in the childlike elation of running until you can't breathe, think, love, like, hate or care. The world was a flowing mess in her periphery and the sky was so blue, the clouds so white.

Joanna throws herself over the railing; the crumbling, rusty, red railing. She only stops to briefly check her hands had not been cut; they were pink, much like her cheeks, but they aren't wounded, so she carried on running. The grass swished and there was a plump man in a tractor-like thing driving over it, mowing it, but Joanna barely stops to notice him in his navy blue hat.

Joanna starts to cry and the tears burn their way down her face, into the air. She stops in front of the cliffs and fell to her knees. Her white blonde her slides in her face like a curtain, bouncing. The sea is sparkling and bright; Joanna feels like she should go swimming in it, but she's still sane enough to understand how harsh and cold it will be.

Joanna wipes away her tears and beams into to breezes as it tickles her neck. She holds out her arms, imagining what it would be like to fly, to soar, to travel among the birds. Joanna has missed missing this.

Joanna sits crossed legs in the soft grass and closes her eyes. She is happy.

This is what it is like, she can't help decide. Maybe she should skip school more often, she decides with a bitter laugh.

Joanna whips out her phone and presses 'one'. She calls it and leaves a message.

"I think I've finally found what you wanted," she says to no-one, "I just wish you were here to see it, sweetheart."

Joanna is faintly aware of the cawing of the seagulls when she sadly smiles into her mobile, presses him closely to her.

"I miss you everyday," she whispers, because it's an exciting treasure that only her and the glowing sun will ever know, "The world is so beautiful, now, Nick. Everything is so brilliant."

"See you later."

Joanna hangs up and sprawls out on her grass bed; the individual blades gently brush her skin comfortingly. Joanna presses one grateful palm against it, feeling the warm soil.

Joanna knew how to do something Nick never would; that was sad, but old habits die hard, and she was pleased as usual to beat him at something.

Living.

WHYYY WHY WHYY WHYYY

Jesus fucking Christ I really don't understand the obsession of wanting me to blog so badly. You're my friends -- you're in my life, and you know what goes on inside my twisted fucking mind. That's a lie; it's too messed up up there and you guys are way too innocent (particularly Krysia).

Let's see, erm, I have been writing fanfiction and it's nice and lovely, but going nowhere. I like to write it anyway because GCSE pressure makes me feel like I'm losing the person I was. Also, I'm trying to get more into anime, again; yes, you may have guessed, to get in touch with my younger, skinnier, more upbeat and happier self. Can you tell I'm in a pissy mood? Oh dear.

Erm, yeah I need to go watch Grey's now because I was not allowed last night.