why hello blog, how are you?

Ahhh I'm ze most terrible blogger ever. I was going to write this post yesterday, but didn't. I'm sorry. No, I'm not sorry, but for not being sorry, I am sorry.

Thing is, my life is kinda sucking atm. Srsly.

I just feel like I'm dragging on, wondering 'What's the point?'. I think it's because of all the exams that are thrusting themselves upon me and making me wonder why I only took academic subjects. Even subjects I don't care about, like R.E., I still don't want to fail in, because then I can't go to my school's sixth form college, and then I won't be able to study what I want, then I won't be able to go to a University that I want to go to, and then I won't get an English degree, and then I won't be a writer, and then I'll die.

See? This is why I didn't want to blog atm. It's all ranting, ranting, ranting and crying, crying, crying.

I think I'm going through that awkward emotional stage of adolescence, where life is just eurrggghhh. Tests, and talks about future, and having to decide NOW what you want to be before it's too late, and every little step you take is affecting how your life is going to turn out. Or maybe that's just me.

What I do know is that pretty much everyone I know is feeling kind of 'mergh' too, which helps. Even Kate's friend Jackie, who doesn't go to our school, is feeling rather defeated lately. That was reassuring.

I guess a good way to describe is that I've just given up. All my life, I've had not problem working hard, and did all my homework and never had to study too much before a test because I knew it, because I had paid attention in class.

But now, I seem to be questioning when I'll need to know, for example, that potassium when burnt gives a lilac flame, as a writer, meaning that I only taken in certain things that amuse me in class. I always regret it later, of course, when I'm having to learn all of these science equations for a test, when I know that after the test, I will never have to know the information again. It's a rebellious phase of sorts, it's just a bit late I guess.

I feel so lazy lately as well. Not necessarily physically either, because I've always been that kind of lazy. I mean, the type when if there's no conversation in a room, it's strenuous to have to muster up the energy to start one; I'm perfectly comfortable to wallow in the silence and make silly fanfiction in my head.

Which is why I was glad to have a really lazy, comfy weekend. It's actually gone quicker as well, and I've literally done nothing. I've read fanfiction, I've video surfed on Youtube and I've watched TV. But, it's been one of the best weekends I've had in a long time.

So, nothing new with me, apart from the mild depression I guess, and some other things.

1) Good fanfiction right here, if you were inclined to know more about SPOILERS Ted and Victoire from DH: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4473801/1/The_Start. It made me fall in love with Ted Lupin so, so much. He's adorable. It's eleven chapters, and usually I wouldn't have bothered, I did, because I like the way it's written, and how it's not BLATANTLY obviously that they're gonna hook up. I mean, we know because of DH, but it's the build up that's nice. It's like an actually funny romcom, y'know? Also, it's a prequel, meaning there's a one after this one, as well as a sequel after that. Should keep me occupied for a while.

2) Saw Alice in Wonderland. Dressed up. People stared. Was cool. Srsly though, the film was very good. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Sure, didn't really like how the plot was all centered about the Jabberwocky --which did NOT look like a proper Jabberwocky, but it was voiced by Christopher Lee, so I forgive Tim Burton for his mistake, and also, it suited the look of the film more-- but I digress. I really wanted more Hatter/Alice moments too, but, they did depict it very brotherly like. Disappointing, because I am a fan of bri-chan's works on dA, and her fanfiction, linked here.

3) Writing more Jim Hawkins and Alyssa fanfiction, who is my character, in my head. And some more of my Erin and Ethan story. Still don't know what to name her, because Erin and Ethan sounds a little corny, because they have the name first letter. But I like their chemistry and Ethan is just so cuuuute.

4) Did my Science exams, and possibly failed Physics. If I get a B, I'll live, but a C, then I'll re-take it. Maybe re-take it even if I get a B, because getting an average of A for Science would be nice~

5) Am reading the Harry Potter books for avidly and trying to get more involved in the fandom and community. Srsly, my HP love has suddenly multiplied itself, much to the annoyance of people like Leah, who hasn't read any and rarely has any idea what I'm talking about to Kate, Lauren, Emily or Ciara, when I have deep discussions about hidden meanings and things. Thing is, it's probably what's keeping me relatively sane and from having a complete breakdown. I mean, I have mini ones, over both HP and life itself, but I'm okay for now. Having a therapist wouldn't be too bad either though.

6) Counting down the days 'til EXPO in May! I wish Lauren and Sophie were more into anime too, because having them there too would make it so, so much fun. Not that I'm complaining, it'll be epic either way. I'm going as Sailor Jupiter and Kate's going as Sailor Saturn, whose character design I love love love. I cannot wait.

7) That's it now.


I wish you all a long and happy life, Merani.